6
Lydia
Friday comes faster than I expected, and I’m nervous as hell.
Eli just texted me, telling me he’s outside, so I rush to put on some last-minute mascara before running downstairs, telling Sarah bye on my way out.
Eli is parked on the street, windows rolled down in his red BMW.
It’s such ahimcar.
I wonder what it was like for him to grow up with wealth. It makes me, once again, realize just how different we are, and those insecure thoughts take over, telling me that someone like him could neveractuallywant someone like me…not if he knew what all I really came from.
I push those thoughts aside and just tell myself to be in the moment, enjoy what’s in front of me. And right now, that’s Eli…smiling at me from the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel, the other draped over the passenger seat. I watch as his eyes roam up and down my body as I walk closer to the car.
I tried to find whatever pop of color I had in my closet to wear today. I don’t know why, I guess I just didn’t want to stick out too much. I wanted to look like I belonged with him. And by the way he’s looking at me, I think he likes it.
He pops the lock, and I get into the passenger seat.
“You look…” His eyestrail over my denim mini skirt, cropped graphic tee, and oversized jacket. “Hot.”
I feel my cheeks flush at his compliment. “Thanks,” I say, trying to play it cool.
Being this close to him feels electric, like my body doesn’t know how to process how good it feels, so it’s just short-circuiting.
We see each other at school a lot now, and he’s always pretty flirty, wrapping an arm around me as he walks me to my classes, or scooting me really close to sit next to him in the lunchroom. But there are always other people around in those scenarios. Being this close to him now—alone—feels different. It makes me nervous and excited all at the same time.
I try to relax and break the silence so he doesn’t think I’m being weird. “So…where are we eating?”
“Cabo Fish Taco,” he replies.
“Ohh, I’ve never been there, but I’ve always wanted to try it.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” he says, glancing over at me before looking back at the road.
I wonder who he’s gone there with, if he’s taken another girl—or othergirls—there before. I don’t own him or anything so I try not to think about that too much. We’re not even a couple, so I shouldn’t care about anyone from his past.
Itdoesmake me wonder about how much experience he has with other girls, though. I havenoexperience with boys. I wonder if it would be weird to him if he knew I’ve never done anything with a guy, not even kiss. I’m almost sixteen, and I’ve never kissed a boy before. Yeah, I’mthat kindof weird, and he’s the guy with probably more than a few exes in his lineup.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, noticing my silence.
I didn’t realize I zoned out, but I can’t tell him what I was actually thinking about. “Um, nothing. Just excited, that’s all.”
“Lydia, youcan tell me anything…I like to hear what’s going on in your head.”
I don’t think he wants to knowallthe thoughts that fill my head some days, but it’s sweet that he cares. “I was just thinking…nothing, it’s nothing.”
He reaches over, placing a hand on my thigh, and I almost jolt from the contact. “Tell me.”
“It’s weird…and stupid, and kinda embarrassing.”
“So? I still wanna know.”
“Ugh,” I laugh, trying to make it seem less weird. “I was just wondering if you’ve been on a date…herebefore…with anyone else.”
We come to a stoplight, and he looks over at me again. “I’ve been on dates before, yes. To this place particularly? Probably…”
My heart sinks a little. I don’t know why it stings thinking about him sharing the same space he’s taking me to with another girl.
