The words make every insecurity I have light up.
My voice shakes with the rage burning inside me. “What did you just say?”
She tilts her head at me mockingly. “Face it, Lydia. You’re not special like you think you arejust because you’re dating someone like Eli. He’s just too sweet and doesn’t have the heart to break up with your weird ass yet.”
“Shut the fuck up!” I yell, tired of these girls making me feel so powerless around here.
“Make me,” she taunts.
Something snaps inside me. I don’t even realize I’m moving until I’m lunging across one of the tables in front of me, grabbing at Mary’s perfectly styled hair. I’m pissed, and the anger is only growing hotter as I finally get my hands on her. She shrieks, hands flailing as we tumble backward, chairs crashing to the floor.
“Get off me, you psycho bitch!” she screams, pulling at my wrist, trying to stop me.
“Shut up!” I shout back, barely hearing myself as I grip her tighter. I keep punching her until I feel arms wrap around my waist, pulling me backward, away from her. I struggle, desperate to break free and keep going, because I have so much anger and pain inside me still that I want to get out, that I wantherto feel.
“Lydia! Lydia, stop!” John’s voice is in my ear, stern and desperate. “Calm down. Yougottacalm down.”
I shove him off me, stumbling backward and still trying to catch my breath. “Don’t touch me,” I hiss.
Just then, Eli bursts through the crowd, eyes wide with panic. “Lydia!” He pushes through people, grabbing hold of me protectively. “Everyone get the fuck back!”
Mary pushes herself up from the floor, face red, mascara and makeup all smudged now. “You need to get that bitch under control, Eli!”
The anger surges again, and I struggle in Eli’s hold. “Fuck you!” I scream at her.
“Lydia,” Eli snaps, voice strained as he tightens his grip on me. “Come on, baby, just calm down.”
Before I can respond, teachers flood the room, demanding explanations and pulling me toward the principal’s office. Eli tries to follow, worried for me, but they wave him away, telling him to get back to class before he gets suspended too, and kicked off the football team.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “Just go to class. I’ll see you after school.”
* * *
In the principal’s office, Mary somehow gets off with only a slap on the wrist, perfectly playing the victim card. She walks out unpunished with a smug look on her face.
I get suspended, now having a black mark on my record that Sarah simply accepts in the principal’s office. She walks silently beside me as we leave the school.
“What’s going on with you, Lydia?” she finally asks once we’re outside. “This isn’t like you.”
I look away, feeling small and kinda embarrassed all of a sudden, like I’m a disappointment in her eyes. “They’re always talking about me. It never stops.”
Her face drops, and the look she gives me is full of pity.
I hate pity.
She sighs, stopping and looking at me seriously. “You should be telling someone when these things happen. And maybe…maybe it would help to talk to someone…professionally. You’ve had to deal with a lot in your life. I just think—”
Eli’s words ring in my mind—how pointless therapy is, how weird it is to tell a stranger about your problems.
I shake my head. “No. I—I don’t wanna talk to a therapist, Sarah. I just wanna go home, keep my head down, and finish out the school year. I’m so close tofinishing. I just want it to all be over. Everything will be better after.”
She nods slowly, but I can tell she’s still concerned. “Okay, honey. I won’t push it. But if you ever think it would help…I have some connections and could find you someone who understands your situation.”
I laugh on the inside. How ridiculous is that? Who could possibly understand everything that’s been thrown my way? The shitty cards I’ve been dealt in life. One after the other…stacked up like a house of cards, waiting for that final blow that’ll knock it all down.
“Thank you,” is all I say.
“I have to go back to work, but I’ll see you back at home tonight, okay?”
