He stumbles a little, trying to hold on to me. “This solves nothing! Stop!”
“Fuck you, Eli! Ihateyou!”
“You don’t mean that,” he says quietly.
He puts me down when Katie is gone, and I turn to him, tears still running down my face. “I never want to see you again either.”
I turn to see Harper watching everything, and I can tell she knew nothing about this. It’s written all over her face—shocked and sad for me. But she’s already picked sides, even if she hates herself for it.
I watch as she reluctantly turns and walks back inside, no doubt to find Katie.
Eventually, Simone pulls up, and I rush into the car as Eli still shouts after me.
“Please drive,” I whisper desperately once I’m in the seat.
I tell her everything thathappened in the car, through all my tears and the anger pouring out.
When we get back to her house, I collapse onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Simone holds me close, whispering as she strokes my hair, “They don’t deserve you, Lydia. None of them.”
The pain begins to swallow everything, drowning out her words, until sleep finally takes over, putting me out of my misery.
17
Lydia
I tried to go back to my normal life—before Eli. But I don’t know how to do that.
I haven’t been back to school since prom, not wanting to face him. Sarah has thankfully found a way to get me the schoolwork I needed so I don’t fall behind, and I’ve actually asked her about homeschooling, but she doesn’t think isolating myself would be healthy in the long run; that I should take what time I need and then, when I’m ready, go back to school. To be fair, I didn’t tell her what really happened, just that school was getting hard, and I didn’t want to be around the people there.
I started taking my antidepressants again just to get through the day, but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping. I want it to shut off the thoughts and feelings, but they’re still there, just distant and foggy.
Eli still texts me every day, and I don’t know how to handle it. I love him so much, but I feel so hurt and broken by him now. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know if itcanbe fixed.
(Sunday)
Eli: Lydia are you really breaking up with me?
Lydia: Yes. You hurt me. You keep hurting me and I can’t do this
Eli: I love you, please don’t do this
Lydia: I didn’t do this, you did
Eli: And I’m sorry, I want to make it right
Eli: Please give me the chance to fix it
Eli: I should have never responded to those messages, but I promise I never cheated on you
(Monday)
Eli: Why aren’t you at school? I want to see you and talk to you
Lydia: I can’t right now
Eli: When are you coming back?
Lydia: I don’t know yet
