“I do.” My jaw locked. I know because I’ve already proven to be a valuable asset to the government. I wasn’t going to be sent racing onto a battlefield. They’d send me to space, like they were already sending so many of my acquaintances. But I couldn’t tell her that.
“I’ll finish cadet training and then go to the Academy. I’ll be in Colorado the whole time.” And after that—I didn’t say it, because again, my hands were tied. It wasn’t really up to me.
Silence stretched between us.
My voice dropped even lower. “You act as if I’m shipping off to die.”
Her hands tucked under her thighs, but I saw their tremor anyway.
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Neither did I, but I didn’t say that part. I swallowed thickly.
“And I’m telling you because I’m scared,” she finally said.
That admission landed harder than anything else had, because I was too. We had a good summer. We’d spent almost every day together since I arrived a few weeks ago. We spent it swimming at the lake, attending middaymovies, and having bonfires with Bridget, Luca, and the others. Shitty chocolate chip pancakes at the diner. Gaming with Milo. Late night drives on the beach to listen to the waves crash against the shore as we laid in the bed of her truck.
I wrapped my arm around her and tugged her body until she was firmly pressed against me. Kissing her head, I buried my face into her hair. She smelled of cinnamon and honey. Fresh and warm. She was sunshine on your skin and a melody that held no dissonance.
“I am scared too,” I admitted in a whisper, planting my feet to bring us to a stop. My grip tightened, fingers digging into the scant of flesh exposed beneath her cropped shirt and the top of her jeans. With my other hand I nudged her chin, tilting her face up toward mine until I could study the rosy hue of her cheeks and match it to the blushed shade of her full lips. Her eyes fluttered close as I leaned in, swallowing the distance.
I’d thought about this moment way too many times. More than I’d ever care to admit out loud. We were friends. “Just friends,” we said until we were blue in the face.
Jokes on us.
Friends don’t kiss.
Friends don’t feel as if the world is falling out from under them when the other leaves the room.
Friends don’t…
I pressed my mouth against hers, wanting nothing more than to forget our impossible situation. A tear slipped down her cheek as I deepened the kiss, mouth moving gently against hers. She wound her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck, holding on as if the tether between us could abscond drowning or death.
We were definitely sinking.
I wasn’t sure I was interested in pretending anymore. This might be the last time I saw her—we were on the brink of inescapable change.
It was a dismal thought, but partly true. We may have only been nineteen, but whoever said you can’t fall in love at nineteen was fucking stupid. Or perhaps jaded. What we shared, it was more than that. It was friendship. She was my person and it suddenly dawned on me that nothing would ever be the same.
Why would we ever leave here on purpose?
Something between us cracked.
My breath caught against her mouth and for one whole minute the world narrowed to the hammer of her heart and the pulse in mine. When I peeled away, I set my forehead against hers. “Don’t forget, we share the same sky.”
We sat like that forever. It could have been seconds, or minutes, or hours. I wouldn’t know, because I couldn’t see past the press of her skin to mine. Of that hitch in her breath and the way our bodies fit perfectly. With stars overhead, tragic was such a useless word to describe our situation. The thing is, Solace knew what she wanted, even if she’d decided to go about it in a round about way and I was already on my path.
And as much as I wanted her, it wasn’t enough. My thoughts took a dark turn. My mom used to wait up for hours on the few occasions Adam said he was coming home. She’d wait and wait and wait, with no call from him. Weeks later, he’d pop up with some lame excuse about a discovery on Neptune’s moon. Which was probably code for whatever girl he’d found to stick his dick in—but what about the times he’d missed my soccergames because of late meetings? Or when he’d disappear for months on some mission. I didn’t want that for Solace.
“You have to get home,” I said rougher than I’d meant. “I need to get a bit of sleep.” Instead of waiting for her to argue, I stood with her still in my lap and set her on her feet.
“Yeah, okay. I don’t want you to be exhausted.”
The night was quiet around us as I guided her down the steps and towards her car. Frogs humming somewhere in the trees. When we reached the truck, I opened the door and Solace climbed in. Leaning across her, I took the seatbelt and pulled it across her chest, metal buckle clicking into place even as my fingers shook. Fuck. My arms strained with the effort; of holding back, that is. For a moment all I could do was stare at her. Commit her to memory.
She gave me a sheepish half-smile, tucking a curl behind her ear. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” I managed. More. So much fucking more.
