“Really? But you were so sure. You gave each other rings. You promised each other.”
“I know that. I hate myself for doubting her. But I live in a fucking tent. She’s Beth Woodward. She comes from all that. Maybe she decided she didn’t want to give it up.”
Kate thought,The money is Beth’s, not Pete’s. He’d be the one giving it up.
“To Beth a promise is a promise,” Kate said instead. But was that true? Even after the ceremony, the vows marked with blood, she and Beth hadn’t stayed close. “Are you the baby’s father?”
“What do you think?”
“Were you?”
“You went through my tent. I know you took the sonogram.”
“A ring, a baby,” Kate said. “But you didn’t even go to see her when you couldn’t get in touch. To find out what was wrong. What if it was a problem with the pregnancy? Especially if the baby was yours.”
“Look, she wouldn’t tell me, okay?”
“Whether you were Matthew’s father?”
“Yeah,” he said. “At first, when she found out she was pregnant, she said I was. But about a month before she died, she backed off from that. She told me it was possible Pete was.”
“Did she even know?” Kate asked.
“She must have,” Jed said. “Because when she and I got together, there was nothing between her and Pete. She said it had been over a year. That’s why I was so sure.”
He sounded miserable.
“So what happened a month before she died?” Kate asked. “To make her be unsure?”
“I don’t know. Maybe there was just one time with him; maybe he forced her. I can’t stand to think of either possibility. I think back six months before she died—February. That’s when Matthew was conceived. We were so happy; even before we found out she was pregnant, we knew we wanted to be together.”
Kate thought about that. If Beth had any doubts, why had she given him the sonogram? Had something happened last summer to make her want to push Jed away?
“This must be hard on you,” Kate said.
“Fuck yeah, it is. But in my mind, in my heart, I know for sure I am Matthew’s father,” he said. “I feel it, Kate. She told me she’d stopped being with Pete long before she and I got together. But then ...” He trailed off, as if remembering something painful. “After a while, during the pregnancy, she began to seem so sad.”
“About the baby?”
“About the whole thing. She cried a lot, and I had no idea how to help her. She said Sam would be upset—she already had to deal with her father having Tyler. She was really worried about Sam. I said I’d be Sam’s stepdad; I’d do anything to help her. But she just seemed to get farther away from me.”
“Did she say more about it?”
“She said she’d messed up her life, that everything was so complicated. I told her I loved her and our baby, and she could count on that—that she hadn’t messed up her life, that we’d have agreatlife.”
Kate heard the passion and tears in his voice. She waited for him to be able to go on. “That’s when she said, ‘No one can count on anyone.’ I was shocked—I didn’t know what she meant. She told me she couldn’t plan anything—being with me, staying with Pete. It was because of him—he’s the one who messed her up. He treated her so badly.”
“But she was so happy to be having the baby,” Kate said. “She told me—I could see it in her.”
“I know,” Jed said. “She loved Matthew. It was the rest of her life that was making her crazy. Including me.”
“You?”
“She loved me. But she felt pressured. I didn’t want to put that on her, but she felt it anyway. She didn’t want to keep me hanging—but she couldn’t be sure she should leave Pete, upset Sam’s life that way.” He shook his head. “I figured she would sort things out once Sam was at camp and Pete left on his trip. I thought she’d tell me the truth, that I was the father. She wouldn’t feel so caught in the middle.”
“Except you didn’t see her. Why, Jed? If you expected to hear the truth from her, why didn’t you just go over there?”
“I told you! I was on Fishers Island. Beth arranged it, having me stay with her friends, give their grandkids drawing classes. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to be there to celebrate with her after she told Pete. I thought we’d be together then—for the rest of our lives.”
