“My sister’s secrets,” Kate said.
“Which we helped her to keep,” Lulu said.
“Are you blaming us?” Scotty asked.
“We promised never to keep secrets from each other,” Kate said.
“Beth and I were fourteen,” Scotty said. “You two were fifteen. We didn’t even know, really, what secrets meant. Look at them.” She nodded toward Sam and Isabel. “They think they’re so grown up, but they’re babies.”
“I think we knew exactly what secrets were,” Kate said slowly, “when we were young. How powerful they are, how they can hurt. I think we’ve forgotten as we’ve grown up. At least Beth and I did. She was my sister, and I had no idea about her real life.”
“Jed?” Lulu asked.
Kate nodded. “She was leaving Pete for him. She wanted to marry him. I didn’t even know he existed.”
“Kate,” Scotty said. “I don’t mean this in any sort of cruel way ...”
“Nice way to start your thought,” Lulu said dryly.
“Take it as you will. But Beth was in love. Head over heels, madly in love. Feeling that way lends itself to secrets—makes it more delicious, maybe. However, it was never all one thing. There were some issues ... she couldn’t make up her mind about. And, Kate, she was being sensitive to you.”
“How?” Kate asked.
“Well, love isn’t your thing. That kind of love, anyway.”
“Scotty, is that vodka in your water bottle?” Lulu asked.
“She’s right,” Kate said.
“You loved Beth, you love Sam, you love us,” Lulu said.
“That’s not the same asin love,” Scotty said.
“Will you please shut up?” Lulu asked.
“I meant it in a good way, truly,” Scotty said. “When you think of the fucking nightmare it can be, finding the right person, and evenafterward—all Nick seems to do these days is run and train. He’s clearly trying to escape something; I only hope it isn’t me—ha. I really am sorry if it came out wrong, Katy.”
“It’s okay,” Kate said, giving her friends a big smile, reassuring them that she was fine, not offended. “But, Scotty, what couldn’t she make up her mind about?”
Scotty frowned for a second before speaking. “Well, um,” she began.
Kate had a sudden, shocking feeling she was trying to get her story straight. “Just tell me. Don’t be afraid of hurting my feelings.”
“Okay. It was just the pregnancy. You can’t even imagine what it’s like if you haven’t been ... Sorry, but it’s like, expectant-mom brain. Hard to make decisions.”
“Like whether to stay with Pete?” Lulu asked.
“Like that,” Scotty said.
“What did she say about it?” Kate asked.
“She was under a lot of pressure,” Scotty said. “She felt she had to make everyone happy.”
That’s what Jed said,Kate thought.
“To the point it completely messed with her moral compass,” Scotty continued.
“Hermoral compass?” Lulu asked with complete incredulity in her voice. “She was an amazing, complicated woman.”
