They stared at me as if wishing this was a sick joke.
Nadiyah stood, shaking her head in disbelief.“So you undid everything we’ve accomplished here so far?I thought you were here to assassinate the king, not find some man for the Enchantress.”
“I made a deal with her.”My voice remained sharp and unyielding.“If I fail to produce my end of the bargain, this whole plan will be uprooted and end in disaster.”
Fear spiked in my heart.I didn’t mention the consequences of me not fulfilling my end of the bargain, of having to work for the Enchantress.
“I can sabotage the king’s other plans,” I said.“Using his influence and getting insight from the prince to figure out exactly what he is trying to accomplish will only aid in our endeavor.If I can get close and manipulate him, it will only make our plan easier to carry out.”
“And if he doesn’t let you get close to him?”Desmond asked.“You should know better than anyone to never trust a royal.”
“AParavellianroyal,” I shot back.“We are not the same as them.”
“I don’t think we could be considered royals anymore.”
I rolled my eyes, ignoring the jab and the strike of pain it shot within me.“I’ll feed the prince whatever I have to in order to get him to trust me and tell me what I want.In return, I can learn things about his uncle and figure out how to get to him without him ever knowing.”
“This doesn’t just put you at risk, Analleia,” Desmond said.“It affects all of us.If he figures out who you are—”
“He won’t,” I interrupted.“And he can’t as long as I uphold my end of the bargain with the Enchantress.”
Nadiyah stood, done with our conversation.“Do what you will, but I don’t like it—and I’m not for it.Don’t come running to me if this blows up in your face.”
This put her plan at risk as well.
She stormed to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
I didn’t meet Desmond’s eyes.I knew he would share Nadiyah’s view.
“What triggered it on the archery fields today, Analleia?”
I swallowed, flashes from both my encounter with the ambassador of Calderon and what happened years ago flooding my mind.
“You said the attacks were better, that you can control them now.”
“Icancontrol them,” I choked out.
Desmond shook his head.“What I saw on that field today was not control.You’re reverting back to when you were younger, how it was when we first arrived at the tower.”
“No.”I shook my head.“It’s better.”
He placed a hand on my shoulder.“I know you better than anyone, Analleia.For three years I awoke to hear your screams of terror in the night, the chills of the nightmares you would never talk about.I watched you crumble inside of yourself.I saw it again today.You weren’t on the archery field.You were in another time.Another place.You haven’t done that for nearly two years.”
“That’s because I learned to control it.”My hands shook as they clutched at my breeches.I tried to hide them behind my back as his words made more and more memories flash before my mind.Memories I had tried to block out.“In the tower, it was easier, but when I saw the man with the scarred face, it all—it all came—”
I fled the room, locking the door behind me.I crawled onto the bed, cradling my head in my shaking hands and rocking back and forth, trying to calm my mind.I was fine.I could do this.But picturing the scarred man’s face left me trembling, gasping for air.I could still feel his hands grasping at my skirt, still hear his screams when I threw the oil in his face.I’d had reoccurring nightmares of him chasing me through the castle, down the stairs.Waking up before he could catch me was the only reprieve from the horrors.
I gripped the sheets between my fists, grasping for balance.
I couldn’t tell Desmond and Nadiyah what I had bargained the Enchantress for.
They wouldn’t understand.
I couldn’t live like this.
I wouldn’t live like this.
“I just want to be okay again,” I whispered.
