After dinner Colin cleaned the kitchen while Augusta gave the children a quick bath and helped them into their cotton pajamas. She braided Jane’s hair and brushed Charlie’s teeth with a bubblegum toothpaste that made his spit bright blue. After the kids were tucked in, lights off and doors closed, Augusta opened a bottle of wine and poured two glasses, carrying them to the bedroom, where Colin was checking sports scores on his phone.
“Oh, hi.” He looked up, pleased.
“Oh hi,” Augusta responded playfully, handing him a glass of wine and locking the bedroom door.
“This is a nice idea.” Colin pulled off his socks and unbuttoned his shirt.
“I actually was thinking about something.”
“Oh yeah?” Colin took off his belt and dropped it on the floor with a grin.
“Do you want to watch porn together?” Augusta asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Um, hunh.” Colin suddenly went still. “We haven’t done that.”
“No, I know, I was just thinking that maybe we could watch something that you like, so that I could learn more.”
“Oh, we don’t have to—”
“I think it would be good.” Augusta smiled awkwardly. “I want to think about the things you’re thinking about. Like, see what else you like.”
“Okay.” Colin nodded.
“So, when you watch porn, do you watch two men together?” Augusta pulled out her phone. “Are there certain search terms I should use?”
“Yeah, try ‘watersports,’ ” Colin cracked, and Augusta giggled. “ ‘Ping-Pong’?” he suggested.
“Oh my God.” Augusta scooted herself next to him on the bed. “Okay, no, for real.”
“Um, well, how about a threesome?” He wasn’t looking at her, exactly.
“Yeah, great. What site do I…?” Augusta held her phone out hopelessly.
“Here.” Colin swiped and typed.
“Let me just get the lights?” Augusta jumped up and turned down all but the bedside lamps. “And the pillows.” She removed the three decorative pillows from the bed. “Great.” She took a big sip of her wine and climbed back in next to Colin. “Okay, press play.”
Colin started the video and Augusta watched as two men took turns kissing a woman. The room looked like an ugly hotel room, the couch a cheap gray tweed with metal legs, the kitchenette in the background all black shiny countertops. Where did they film this? Some Red Roof Inn outside Memphis? Yuck. Was all porn like this? She tried to make herself stop judging the set and pay attention to the people. “Do youthink those are her real breasts?” Augusta whispered. They didn’t seem real, but Augusta couldn’t be sure.
“I don’t know,” Colin whispered back. Augusta didn’t find any of the actors especially attractive. The woman had a good figure, but her eyes were sort of deep-set and her chin long. Then men weren’t exactly her type either, one with a slightly scrunched face that reminded her of a bulldog, the other with a blobby-looking tattoo across his back. Augusta suddenly felt a gnawing sense of worry. Was this what Colin liked? If he liked men who looked like this she couldn’t possibly compete. It was worse than realizing your husband loved brunettes while you were a redhead, worse than realizing he liked curvy women while you were shaped like a reed. They had something Augusta couldn’t possibly make up for and she felt herself starting to spiral.Pull it together, she admonished herself.This is about Colin. About learning.
Colin’s eyes were fixed on the screen, but in a way that looked slightly frozen. Augusta kissed his neck, and he sat still. She reached her hand down past his waistband, but Colin gently stopped her. “I’m not…this isn’t…”
“Oh, okay,” Augusta whispered. They watched the screen in silence for another minute or two and then Augusta tried again, running her hand up and down his chest.
“I…I…Augusta.” Colin paused the phone and sat up.
“What?” she asked, alarmed. Could he tell she was faking it? Was she radiating her own discomfort?
“I really don’t want to watch porn with you.”
“Okay,” Augusta said, embarrassed. “Am I doing something wrong?”
“No.” Colin hugged her close and she couldn’t see his face, but she could tell he wanted it that way. He talked over her shoulder. “That’s just not who we are. What we have totally works. We don’t need towatch these strangers pretend to have a threesome to connect with each other.”
“But I want to know what you like,” Augusta said.
“I really appreciate that, Auggie. But this is just…I don’t…Look.” He pulled back so she could finally see his face. “I’m in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world. Why do I need to watch an actress with a weird chin simulate an orgasm?”
