I’d been close to doing it despite that.
If you need to hurt somebody, be smart about it,Daddy used to say.
He probably still says it to Kratos and Ares. Not to Mel, who wouldn’t hurt anyone ever because unlike me, she’s squeamish and thinks there’s no good reason to cause pain ever. That’s why she gets trampled on and why she cries so much and why she needs Kratos and Ares to protect her.
What’s she going to do when they’re off at college and no longer around to keep her safe?
Maybe I need to go home and get through to her. I’ll teach her how to fight properly, even if it makes her cry harder.
Except we’d tried that.
She doesn’t want to be like me.
Nobody wants to be like me.
I’m the crazy psycho bitch who ruins lives.
“Why can’t you be big enough to swallow people whole?” I ask Echo. “Do you think you could eat Becky the next time she knocks?”
I don’t think her name is actually Becky. It starts with a B though. Belinda? Beatrice?
“Maybe you should swallowme,” I whisper to Echo. “That would give everybody something to pity. Stupid fucking Blaze, fighting my battles for me. Like I needed him to beat up Tate. I could have done that too.”
He probably didn’t want me to kill Tate.
I scared him with all that talk of Zayden.
That’s wrong too.
Blaze is like me.
Blaze isn’t judging me. River isn’t judging me. Asch isn’t judging me.
“What the fuck is wrong with me today?” I blink, and I feel something wet on my eyelashes. The mascara must have become runny for some reason. “Why can’t I kill the feelings the way I kill everything else?”
It doesn’t make any sense, except it does, and I hate it, I hate it I hate it!
I curl onto my side and stroke Echo’s head. “I’m so pathetic, huh? Big tough Pandora who can’t even handle one day of pitying looks.”
Pitying looks, and secret giggles as I walked past.
I’d have threatened violence, but I don’t think that would have won anyone over to my side.
The only solution was to get away from the school and dance where nobody would recognize me, where I wasn’t Pandora Pavone but just a single body in the writhing sea.
My phone dings, because unlike Samantha I don’t have a night mode and I don’t care if people text me in the middle of the night.
I open up the text. I frown when I see it’s from Carly.
Carly
I just got back from my movie marathon. Sorry I couldn’t go with you today. Coffee tomorrow?
I mean today. In seven hours. Ish.
I smile at the text and type back.
Pandora
