I did.
I don’t think I do anymore.
“Does it matter?” I retort, not wanting to think that through, not wanting to have to tell her how complicated things have gotten between us. I have every reason to want to hurt her, to want to kill her even, but the idea of it seems impossible.
“Nah. I’d fuck you anyway.” Pandora reaches into her pocket, and my stomach sinks when she pulls out her charm, my three finger bones attached to each other with wire. “My favorite River. You’ll always be mine.”
“Do you understand how twisted it is to carry those around?” I ask her, barely resisting the urge to grab it from her and find a way to get rid of it forever.
She smiles at me. “You still have hundreds of them. You can spare three.”
Pandora’s trying to piss me off on purpose. I can see it, the way she’s digging her claws underneath my skin in hopes of peeling off the layers. She’s already gotten me off topic, and Idon’t think I have the energy to drag the conversation back in the right direction.
Her complete dismissal of our search for Rachel’s killers, of her pledge to destroy them, has me thrown off.
It has me worried, too, and I stare at her. I need to help her somehow. I need to see her spirit, untainted by this bitter lack of resolve. Should we have let her take care of Tate herself? Would that have kept this from happening?
“I’m not dropping it, Pandora,” I tell her, ignoring her words. “Rachel was my friend, too.”
“Apparently she wasn’t mine,” Pandora answers glibly. “Those were your words, right? That Rachel never trusted me. That she never even liked me.”
“I didn’t say she never liked you,” I reply, forcing my voice to remain even instead of rising to her goading. “She adored you. She just… didn’t want you to be disappointed in her.”
“But she toldyou.” Pandora closes her hand around my bones. “Anyway, if I don’t study, I’m going to disappoint myself with yet another shit grade because of some enzyme cleavage. Or maybe water molecules exploding.”
“She was wrong not to trust you,” I say, my heart heavy. “If she had…”
If she’d told Pandora, Rachel wouldn’t be dead. There’s no way Pandora would have let her see some strange older man.
I failed Rachel.
I’ve failed Pandora, too.
“These hydrogen dioxide molecules aren’t going to vibrate themselves,” Pandora says. “Actually, maybe they will. Who knows.” She turns away from me and turns the tablet screen on again.
She’s still rubbing my bones in her hand though, over and over, like it’s bringing her comfort.
More comfort than I’ve been able to give her.
“I’ll text you later,” I tell her. I lean down, and on a strange whim, I kiss the top of her head. “Don’t study your cleavage vibrating molecules too hard.”
“Pfft, I’ll vibrate as hard as I want,” Pandora counters.
I snort in amusement, then head to the door, only to realize I hadn’t even brought up Ezio. Not that I think that would’ve gone any better.
I need to get my mind off of this — off of Pandora, off of Rachel, off of Ezio, off of all of these things. There’s one clear answer, but Fenrir’s threat still echoes in my ears. I think he’d been serious, but the idea of going back to the house without letting off some steam isn’t a fun one.
What am I going to do? Pace?
River
Are you home?
Asch
Yeah. What’s up?
River
