Pandora
Sure. I expect a five course meal.
Blaze’s Bitch
Tell Blaze.
I should tell him, but didn’t we just see each other? I set the phone down and turn back to my sad dinner of a veggie wrap and tofu salad.
I don’t know why I thought it would taste good. There’s no protein in it—the tofu doesn’t count. Who’s even vegetarian anymore these days? Didn’t that fad end fifteen years ago? Get with the program, Blaze.
I stab the tofu, which of course parts easily because tofu has no substance and might as well be water.
My phone buzzes again. I glance at it.
Call from Papa.
I tap therejectbutton. Three seconds later, there’s another call this time from Daddy. Then from Mama.
Christ, what crawled up their asses now?
I take the phone and send a group text to the whole parent set.
Pandora
Is somebody dying? I mean, somebody important.
Papa
Just want to see how my baby world destroyer is doing.
Mama
When the baby world destroyer is quiet for too long, her parents get worried. That’s all. How are you?
Pandora
I’m doing great!
Daddy
Then why aren’t you picking up the phone?
I scowl at the phone. How dare Daddy assume things about me. I can be fine and also not want to talk to my parents. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Pandora
Just don’t need you cramping my style. I was about to get laid.
Mama
I’m impressed by the courtesy of the dashing young person willing to wait while you text your parents pre coitus.
Oh. That was actually funny. Mama sometimes does have a sense of humor.
Uncle Slayer
And they must really suck at foreplay. Well, someone isn’t doing their share of sucking, at least.
