Blaze grunts. “Yeah.”
He eats in silence, and I do the same. I wish it was our usual companionable silence. It’s anything but.
I keep going over the past few days. Zayden’s head. Burying the head. Finding Pandora in the basement. Blaze trying to hide what had been down there.
I frown.
I still don’t know whyshewas down there.
“Blaze—” I start, right as Blaze says, “Asch.”
We both stop and stare at each other.
“You go ahead,” Blaze says.
“What’s really in the basement?” I ask him. “Not that bullshit about accounting papers. What’s actually down there?”
Blaze rolls his eyes. “Just leave it, Asch. It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“Shouldn’t we be at least talking about why she was down there? I can’t help with that if I don’t know what the hell is in that room to begin with.” The camera in the corner hadn’t been a security camera, I’m sure of that. It had been a tripod setup, which meant that pictures had been manually taken.
Pictures of what, though?
Blaze lets out a frustrated sound. “Why won’t you drop it? It’s none of your business.”
The words are like a slap in the face. “You do remember that I’m supposed to be a part of these things, right? The frat, your family business?” I’d gone through hell to be a part of Kappa Alpha, and so much of my future rides on the Bouchard Syndicate. “How am I supposed todoanything if I don’t know what’s going on? I don’t want to be on the outside, Blaze.”
“You could barely even handle Zayden’s head,” Blaze counters.
That isn’t true. I’d been fine.
“How are you going to handle anything worse than that? Not that there’s anythingworseto talk about, but that’s the kind of shit you’d have to get used to if you’re a part of my family.” Blaze shakes his head. “Just be happy not knowing, okay?”
“How the hell am I going to get used to it if you don’t include me? Are you going to baby me right up until the time you drop me into the deep end, then say, oh, you couldn’t actually handle it after all?” The anger in the pit of my stomach is growing, and my cheeks flush hot with humiliation.
He doesn’t understand how much rides on my ability to handle that and worse.
Blaze gives me a strange half smile. “Why would you need to get used to it? You’re fine the way you are, Asch.”
He reaches out for me, but I slap his hand away.
“Obviously not,” I tell him. “I’m too grim and dour and weak to be a part of anything important.” I huff out a harsh laugh, then grab my plate, going to the sink so I can wash it. “Good to know where I fit in.”
I have the worst nagging feeling that he’d tell River before he told me.
That he might even tellPandorabefore he told me, because she’s a fucking mafia princess who’s seen it all.
But that’s stupid.
“You’re being ridiculous,” Blaze argues. “It’s fine if you aren’t part of this. I never expected you to be. I don’twantyou to be.”
I don’t turn around and look at him. I can’t stand to see his face right now. “I’m supposed to be this… this bodyguard for you. But that’s just bullshit, isn’t it? You’re only paying me because you feelsorryfor me.”
Right now, I feel sorry for myself, too. I’m pathetic, and I’m acting like a little bitch, but the idea that I might not be a part of something has splintered into thousands of pieces.
It hurts more than it should.
“You aren’t my bodyguard, Asch. You’re my friend.” Blaze makes another sound. “I don’t know why you’re so upset right now. It’s not a big deal.”
