Something hits me, though, and I stop pacing to glance at him. “Why even bother to ask? If you watched the video?”
Blaze shrugs. “Just wanted to see if you’d admit it.” He gives me a wry smile. “I don’t know which answer I wanted.”
I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah, well,” I mutter. “It was stupid.”
Stupid, and wrong, and even worse than when I’d fucked his mouth with Pandora egging me on.
He hadn’t hated me after that, somehow, but he’s going to hate me now.
I can’t say I blame him, either.
Blaze rests his head against the back of the couch and crosses his arms. “It was. I should fucking hate you, Asch,” he says with a laugh. “What the actual fuck? I was asleep, for fuck’s sake. Did Declan get his stash of drugs from you?”
“What? No!” I tell him. For some reason, the idea that I might’ve been the one giving out the date rape drug is worse than the fact that I used them on him.
I don’t know why.
It doesn’t make sense.
But I don’t want him to think I was enabling anyone else.
Fuck.
“What did you like the most?” Blaze asks, and finally, there’s actual anger. “Me being all knocked out? Knowing I’d never find out? Getting to see mehelpless?”
“No,” I tell him. “It wasn’t… satisfying, if that’s what you’re thinking. And it was only once.”
Like that makes it any better.
If I’m honest with myself, I don’t even know why I did it.
I’d known I was risking everything.
I’d done it anyway.
“Strangely, that doesn’t reassure me.” Blaze gets up and stalks over to me. His eyes flare with anger, and I take a step back. He grips my shirt to keep me in place. “Tell me why you did it,” he hisses.
I brace myself for a punch. I’ll take it because I deserve it. After what I did, I deserve the kind of beatdown that Marcus and Rich had been determined to give me.
“Because I’m a coward,” I tell him.
“A coward?” Blaze repeats, incredulous. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“I was too scared to tell you that I wanted you one-on-one sometimes. I had a massive thing for you, and I wanted to see what it was like, and it was stupid,” I say, swallowing hard. “I was just figuring out that I was bi, and I thought it would… clear something up? I don’t fucking know, Blaze.”
I see the punch coming, but I don’t evade. Blaze’s fist crashes into my jaw, the pain more immediate than any of the blows I’d suffered earlier. I wince, but I swallow my cry of pain.
I close my eyes and wait for the next hit.
“Fuck you, Alvarado,” Blaze growls, right before his lips press against mine.
The kiss shocks me more than the punch had, but it doesn’t take me longer than a beat to kiss him back. It’s rough, devouring, everything I’d wanted the night I’d decided to drug him. I groan against his mouth, but I don’t dare grab him or step closer.
Blaze pushes forward, forcing me to back up until I’m against the wall. His lips barely leave mine, and he nips and bites. When I gasp for air, his tongue invades my mouth, and I swim in his taste.
He’s as intoxicating as I feared.
This isn’t like the last time we’d kissed in New Valence, or even when we’d kissed in front of Pandora. It’s more visceral somehow.
