I stand there for a moment, my jaw working with anger and pain.
I want to throw my phone, an irrational but almost uncontrollable urge that I have to fight against as I force myself to breathe. I shove it back into my pocket instead, then I tear the piece of paper up into so many tiny shreds before letting them float into the wind and settle into the snow.
It’s mostly a performative gesture; her number is still in my phone.
I’ll fix that later.
For now, I need to do something about the anger that’s settled deep inside of me.
I want to go to Pandora, but I remember the last time I’d gone to her with my feelings twisted up deep inside. She hadn’t understood about Franklin, and I’m not sure she’ll understand about this, either.
I have nowhere else to go.
I could try to talk to Blaze or Asch, but the person I really want is Pandora.
I head in the direction of her dorms, avoiding the slushier parts of the sidewalks, and I take the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.
I knock on the door, waiting impatiently for her to open the door.
As soon as the door opens, I pull Pandora into my arms. She squeaks, but she returns the embrace.
“Wow. Are you that hard up, River?” she asks with amusement. “Well, you’re in luck. Pandora’s box is open for you.”
I wonder if Pandora would ever disappear on me like my mom had.
I release her and step inside next to her. “No, not that hard up. I just… need to talk, that’s all,” I tell her, desperately forcing my voice to remain calm. I can’t tell her about my mother. “Your uncle paid me a visit. You can expect a phone call later.” I glance in the direction of Samantha’s room. “We should go talk in your room.”
I don’t need Samantha overhearing any of this.
Pandora nods. I only realize now that she isn’t dressed inanything provocative, just sweats and a long sweater. She isn’t wearing any makeup, either.
None of that detracts from her beauty.
“Uncle Slayer was here?” Pandora leads us into her room. “Why?”
“Partially to give me something,” I say. “Mostly to check on you. He wanted me to remind you that your family wants to help with anything you need. I said that was up to you.”
Pandora scoffs loudly. “Yeah, I bet they want to help. First Papa, now him?” She clenches her fists. “They should mind their own fucking business.”
Her vehemence surprises me, as much as it soothes me. The choked emotions in my throat are unimportant. I can focus on Pandora instead. “What do you mean?” I ask. “What happened with your papa?”
Pandora sits down on her bed and shakes her head. “Nope! You wanted to see me. We’re here to talk about you! What did he give you?”
“I’m here to talk to you about you,” I remind her. “The other thing can wait. Slayer seemed worried about you.”
“Then maybe he should have talked to me instead of you. Sent me an email. Left a voice message.” Pandora shakes her head. “Fine, I never check my voice messages. But why is he bothering you about that?”
“That’s what I told him,” I tell her. “But maybe it’s not a bad idea to let them help with this whole situation.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if I had people who cared about me like this?
If I had four parents who loved me and wanted to see me, who would go to war for me?
As jealous as I am, I’m glad for it too. I want Pandora to always be safe.
I curl my hand into a fist, and my missing finger throbs again, reminding me of how much Pandora is worth.
“If we let Papa and Uncle Slayer and Daddy help, it’ll meanMama finds out too,” Pandora says in a brittle tone. “You want to make Mama cry? Is that it?”
