I think the story is supposed to be about resisting temptation, but I appreciate that he’s trying to cheer me up. I press my head against his shoulder.
Blaze pets the back of my head. “This was my plan, anyway. I’m the one who fucked up. I didn’t take Ezio into account. Or how many fucking people would show.” He laughs. “My powers of persuasion are just that good, I guess.”
I laugh, too, and cling harder to him. “You’re so full of yourself, Blabe. This is why everyone hates you Kappa Asshole Douchebags.”
“Kappa Alpha Omega Sigma,” Blaze corrects, but there’s only amusement in his voice. “We fucked up hard, huh.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “If I got my sister and brothers killed, my parents aren’t going to forgive me.”
I don’t want to think about them potentially being dead.
Everybody else was closer to the exit. Anastasia gave everybody else warnings, and they were all smarter than me.
I don’t know what I was thinking.
Why was hurting Allers so important?
Rachel isn’t coming back to life just because I pulled out his organs.
Rachel would hate me if she knew I’d done that at all.
We sit together, the air ashy and suffocating.
“So much for the Bouchard Syndicate,” Blaze says. “I ruined it all.”
I shake my head. “Your… your dad ruined it. He could have… he could have helped you.”
Blaze’s grip on my arm tightens. “Maybe. But I could have obeyed him. I could have been what he wanted. Instead, I pull together this fucking haphazard plan, and it blows up in our faces. Literally.”
I wish I could be closer to him than I already am. “But you would have been out of the building, or at least farther away, if I… If I hadn’t been…” I let out a strange sound. “If I hadn’t been me. If I’d been willing to let go. If for once in my life, I put anyone but me first.”
That’s what it all comes down to.
Pandora is unhinged and crazy, and she gets everybody around her hurt or killed.
“Yeah. You probably should have listened to us,” Blaze agrees.
I’m not even mad at him for agreeing with me. “I need so much help, Blaze,” I whisper. “The… the visions, the hallucinations, they’re getting worse. It’s almost all the time now. I thought I could kill my way through it, but it’s not helping.”
He strokes the back of my hair, even though it must be a mess by now. “I’m not surprised. But we learn from our actions, right? That’s what makes us human.” He kisses the top of my head. “And I’m learning that I… I think… I didn’t want my dad to die? What the fuck? I hated him. I was so mad at him for being such a dick.”
“I hated you and Asch and River, too,” I whisper. “But I forgaveyou, because…” I curl my fingers in his shirt. “I didn’t deserve it. I know I didn’t. But I’ve done so many things that are pretty bad too. Starting with Zayden.”
“Fuck Zayden,” Blaze mutters. “I’m not mad about him.”
I laugh. “Neither am I. Seeing him suffer made me feel a bit better.”
“You made us suffer too. And I don’t know how to express how fucking sorry I am,” Blaze says. “It’s never going to happen again. I’m standing with you. Forever. You know that, right?”
I nod. “Yeah. That’s why I can forgive you. I trust you. You put together a murder party for me. Anexplosivemurder party.”
We both chuckle at my stupid, awful joke, then fall silent.
I wish I could say it was a comfortable silence, but there’s nothing comfortable or even silent about anything. The bones of the building creak, the thumping continues, and somewhere, something cracks.
“Pandora! Blaze!” my hallucinations shout.
Blaze tenses, then sits up. “Asch? River? We’re over here!” He calls out, before devolving into a coughing fit. “Shit.”
