“See, you’re from an area without venomous snakes,” Blaze says. “Back home, we have to be careful or a water moccasin will bite and seriously fuck us up.”
“Why are you stepping in water moccasin territory?” I ask. “Do you just go swimming in the swamp? That’s bad for your health, Blaze.”
“No, we don’t go swimming in the swamp,” Asch says. He doesn’t relax his grasp on me, though it’s not uncomfortably tight.
It’s firm, almost comforting.
“Snakes don’t stick to their territory, either,” Blaze mutters. “They have no respect for human traffic signs.”
I laugh at his stupid joke. The documentary moves on to show a pit viper striking its prey, making Blaze wince.
“That’s what I mean!” Blaze says. “Look at those sharp fangs. With venom.”
“I wish I had venomous fangs,” I say wistfully. “Think of how much easier devouring my enemies would be.”
“It would be,” Asch agrees. “But it’s probably better for the rest of the world that you don’t.”
River snorts, but he’s quiet as he watches the documentary.
All the adrenaline and anger that had been coursing through meslowly seeps out. I relax against Asch and Blaze, and I have to admit I do like the documentary. There’s some great footage in there, and the narrator makes a point of explaining how important snakes are for the environment and that they’re viciously maligned by haters.
Not in those words, of course.
As the credits roll on the documentary, I say, quietly, “I don’t like being scared.”
It feels like too much already.
A Pavone doesn’t get scared. A Pavone is strong, and powerful, and laughs in the face of opposition.
All three of them go silent.
Then Asch says quietly, “I could quote a greeting card or some shit, but all I can say is that we all get scared. We allarescared. But it’ll work out. It has to.”
“And you aren’t alone, Pandora,” Blaze says. “A concept whichsomepeople are trying to drill into me, too.” He tilts my chin up. “So tell us about the needles.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, and I shake my head. “I can’t. It makes me sound…”
Crazy.
I don’t want to be crazy.
“Sound what?” River asks. “Please tell us. We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s going on.”
“It’s stupid.” I look down at my hands, still entwined with Blaze and Asch’s. “I know most people have hearts, I know I probably have one. I understand that there’s no actual knives living inside my chest, regularly tearing me apart. Okay? I know that. I understand it. Intellectually.”
This is where they decide to drop me.
This is where I get the strange looks and the jeering and the people who keep their children away from me.
If they do that, I do still have my backup plan.
The gun is waiting to be used, after all.
“It’s not stupid,” Asch says without hesitation. “Thank you fortrusting us. I…” His other hand runs through his hair, mussing it. “I wish I knew what to say. I don’t. But thank you.”
Blaze lets out a long breath and kisses the side of my head. “We’re just some fucking frat douchebags, Pandora, but we aren’t douchey enough to drop you because you’re a little bit heartless.” He grins at me. “I think people say that about me too.”
I groan and shove against his chest. “I’m being serious, you dick. Not metaphorical.”
