AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Afraid of falling in love with him.
Last night, when he’d been kissing her and making his promises, caring about Aziz hadn’t seemed so scary a possibility. Today, when he stood in front of her in a business suit and with a narrowed gaze, it was terrifying.
‘There’s just so much uncertainty,’ she said after a long, tense moment when Aziz just gazed at her with that inscrutable expression. ‘What if the people of Kadar don’t accept me? They think I’m Elena right now. What if they really want Elena? What if they decide they want Khalil because you lied to them about this?’
Aziz’s jaw went tight. ‘Distinct possibilities,’ he bit out.
‘You said your country was already unstable,’ Olivia continued recklessly. It was so much easier to focus on the politics than what she felt, what she was afraid to feel. ‘You said that if people found out Elena was missing it could cause unrest, even a civil war. What if our marriage causes one, Aziz?’
‘It’s a risk I have to take.’ His voice was cool, as cool as she’d ever heard it. ‘But I’m aware that it’s not a risk you have to take. You don’t have to marry me, Olivia. You pointed that out yesterday, and it still holds true today. If the risks are too much for you, then you can back out now. Better now than in an hour, after the vows have been said. Kadarans do not look kindly on divorce.’
He gazed at her evenly, almost indifferently, and with a terrible lurch inside Olivia wondered if he even cared whether she married him. Maybe he had a substitute waiting in the wings. Maybe any woman at all would do.
‘And if I backed out now?’ she whispered. ‘Our wedding is in less than an hour, Aziz.’
‘Forty-five minutes, actually,’ he answered. ‘I confess, it will be difficult to find someone else in that amount of time.’
‘I don’t want to be just a willing body,’ she blurted, her voice breaking. ‘I don’t want you to be just as happy to choose someone else. I want more than that from a marriage, Aziz. From life.’
He stared at her, his gaze still narrowed. ‘What more do you want, Olivia?’
Love. I want you to love me. No, she couldn’t say that. She didn’t even want to think it. ‘All this legal talk just seems very cold,’ she said after a moment. ‘It makes me realise what I might be missing.’
‘Such as?’
‘I—I don’t know. I sound ridiculous, I know. It’s just nerves.’ She forced a smile. She was a coward, but she couldn’t admit that she wanted more now. She had to focus on what she already had, what she could have. ‘I do want this marriage, Aziz. I realised last night how much I want a child, to be a mother again. It won’t bring back Daniel, I know, but the thought of having a baby to love... I want that very much.’
For a second, no more, she thought he looked almost disappointed, or maybe even hurt. Or was she just wishing he did? Then he shrugged and said, ‘Not to point out the obvious, but you don’t need me to have a child, Olivia. You could have one on your own if that’s all you really want.’
But it wasn’t all she wanted. She didn’t just want a baby to love; she wanted a partner to support her. She wanted to be part of a family. ‘I want this marriage,’ she said firmly. ‘And I think you’d be a good father, Aziz.’
His lips curved in a humourless smile. ‘Would I? I must admit, I didn’t have a great example.’
‘Yes, you would. You’re fun and kind and easy to—’ She swallowed and quickly filled in, ‘Like. Besides, lots of people with less than stellar parents have been good ones themselves.’
‘Thanks for that vote of confidence.’
Olivia heard a note of bitterness in his voice, and as he turned away she wished she’d been more honest with him. She wished she’d risked her heart a little more and confessed that she wanted so much more than what she’d said. That she wanted a child with him.
And do you remember the last time you risked your heart? You laid it all on the line, confessed all your hope, fear and need, and your father just looked away and asked you to play the damn piano.
Just the memory of that betrayal, and her own reeling reaction, had the power to keep her silent now. It was better this way. She might not feel like it now, but it would be better to keep within the limits of their agreement. To keep herself from wanting it all. Enough and no more, just like Aziz had said.
* * *
An hour later, it was done.
Aziz jerked off his tie, letting out a weary sigh. He was married, and within the six weeks dictated by his father’s will. He should feel relieved—overjoyed, even—but instead he felt only unsettled and restless, as he had since that confrontation with Olivia.
She’d made it perfectly clear she was only in this marriage to have the child she longed for, nothing else, and certainly not because of any finer feelings she possessed for him.
Feelings he shouldn’t even want her to have. He wouldn’t beg for love again. He wouldn’t debase himself like that, not for anyone. Not even for Olivia. Really, everything had worked out just as he’d wanted. He should be glad now, elated, even.
Not somehow disappointed.
The bathroom door to the bedroom suite they’d been given in a secluded wing of the palace opened and Olivia stood there, dressed in a white silk negligee. It was modest enough, the straps scalloped with lace, but Aziz’s mouth still dried and every thought flew from his head.
Every thought but one: his wife was beautiful and he had every intention of making love to her. Tonight.
Now.
He smiled, his gaze sweeping over her lovely, slender form. He could tell just from looking at her, observing her pale face, that she was a little nervous. ‘You look beautiful, Olivia.’
‘The nightgown is a bit much, isn’t it?’ she said with a shaky smile. ‘Or maybe it’s not enough.’
‘It’s quite enough from my point of view,’ he told her, and took a step towards her so he was close enough to slide his hands over her bare shoulders. ‘I wouldn’t want you any more covered up.’ He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder and she shivered.
‘I know we don’t need to be—be romantic with one another.’
‘Why shouldn’t we?’ He pressed another kiss to the hollow of her throat and her breath came out in a soft rush.
‘Because we...we don’t love each other.’
Words that once would have reassured him; now he felt something crystallise inside him, something cold and hard and hurt. He didn’t like hearing her state it so plainly and he didn’t want to think about why. ‘Isn’t this a kind of love?’ he answered. ‘Don’t dismiss it out of hand, Olivia. Not when you know what I feel for you.’ His voice had thickened with need and he pulled her to him, slid his arms around her slender waist, wanting to draw a response from her. Show her just how much she needed and wanted him.
And he felt that need in her answering kiss, in the way her body yielded to his, her curves moulded against him. Aziz eased away just enough to unbutton his shirt, wanting to feel her bare body against his own.
Her gaze roved over his bare chest and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. A primal triumph surged through him at the obviousness of her desire.
‘You should know...it’s been a long time for me, Aziz.’
He drew her back towards him, revelling in the way her breasts brushed against his bare chest. ‘You don’t need to be nervous with me. We can go slowly, Olivia. As slowly as you like.’ With a smile, he tugged on her hand and drew her to the bed. The sky was darkening to indigo with violet streaking across the horizon, the minarets and towers of the Old Town silhouetted against the sky.
Olivia lay on her back, her cheeks flushed pale pink, her eyes dark and luminous. The swell of her breasts above the negligee was almost more than Aziz could bear. Her skin was creamy and perfect, the colour of ivory. He tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear, skimming her cheek with his fingers. He’d always thought her beauty was cold and contained, but seeing her lying here, all flushed and rosy and ready to love, he had to amend his opinion. She was like a flower seeking sunlight, shyly bending towards it. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her temple. Olivia let out a soft sigh.
Encouraged by her response, Aziz pressed another kiss to her cheek, and then to her lips. Olivia brought her hand up to rest it against Aziz’s cheek, and everything in him expanded and ached.
He deepened the kiss, taking his time to explore the softness of her mouth, the fullness of her lips. He slid his hand from her shoulder to her waist, splaying his fingers across her hip, the silk slippery beneath his hand.
Olivia moved restlessly under him, her hand tightening on his cheek, her mouth opening under his. She tangled one leg with his so his fierce arousal was brought into exquisite contact with her thighs and he let out a little groan.
He slid his hand from her waist to her breast, his thumb brushing over its tightened peak as he watched her pupils flare and heard her breathing go shallow. ‘You like that?’ he asked softly and she nodded.
He bent his mouth to her breast, dampening the silk with his tongue as he took the peak into his mouth. Her hands clutched in his hair. ‘Oh...no one’s ever...’
