“Then what will?” I asked.
He considered me. “If you could turn back time, would you do it again?”
I swallowed sharply, the rotten syrup of the witch’s blood suddenly coating my mouth. “I . . . I would. But—”
“And if it was Amalthea he was threatening? Would you have killed him then?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“What if he was just sitting in a room, unarmed?” he asked.
“Of course not.”
“Even if you knew he might try to hurt you? Or Thea?”
“I . . . I don’t think I could.”
He nodded, as if he’d proven his point. “That’s why you’re you. Killing may sometimes be necessary, Samara, but that hesitation means you’re not a monster.”
It was late now, dawn already threatening the edges of the room. I had no desire to test my limits against the sunlight. I crawled under the covers, still pressing my nose to the collar of Raphael’s shirt as I curled into a ball.
“Is this all life is? Death, over and over?” I asked, more to myself than him.
Raphael pulled the sheets up to my shoulder, tucking them in slightly before heading back to his side. “It’s not, little viper. I promise.”
“Then show me,” I begged. And I let the darkness take me before I could dwell on the fact that I was asking Raphael for something he couldn’t give.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Samara
Raphael wasted no timegetting us out of the palace the next day. Ansel and Lettie met us at the door shortly after dusk.
“I know we have a deal, but I really don’t want to do more training today,” I muttered to Raphael as we descended into the city proper. Memories of last night still sat heavy in my gut, even if I’d managed to reconcile my actions.
I’d let Raphael reassure me, and I felt better for it. On the one hand, he was the last person it was safe to seek comfort from. But there was also a logic to trusting his assessment—he was an expert in monsters. If he said I wasn’t one, then who could know better?
Not that he knew the entire truth.
“We’re not. Though I’d remind you that training helped save your life.”
I could’ve argued, but a day let out of training was a win for me.
“It’s the day of new beginnings,” he explained. “One of the things Skyflame is named for. At the midpoint of the festival,people let go of their pasts and seek out new futures. You’ll understand more when you see it.”
We reached the main square of Limanos after a few blocks. Normally, it was filled with shouting vendors, performers, and more. Now, there was just a steady murmur of the crowd as people milled throughout.
Twelve large flames were held in massive iron braziers, glowing violet, cyan, yellow, and black in repeating order. Ashes and scraps of paper littered the ground, the air painted with smoke and the distinct smell of freshly drying ink.
I picked up one of the papers from the ground.
I am a sailor.
Another read:I am free of my husband.
I picked up a handful more. Raphael watched while I read them over.
I have a companion waiting for me at home.
