She frowned when she saw me, taking in the blood on my hand. I quickly pulled it behind my back, ashamed of my loss of control.
“Is everything okay? You weren’t in your rooms, and Raphael said you were here now. I wanted to see how you were feeling this evening.” She peeked around my shoulder. “Your new place is… different.”
I glanced back. It was a palace compared to Greymere, but on the other hand, it was far smaller than her quarters, as well as my old ones.
But it gave me distance from Raphael.
I debated waving Thea off, but… she was my friend. I didn’twantto be alone with my frustration and anger.
Thea entered as I backed away from the door. She looked around, headed over to the bed—the one I never slept in—and flopped down. “Not much room for company.”
I flopped down next to her, exhausted. “It’s fine.”
“It’s ridiculous. If you were able to go farther, I’d say you should just move in with me. Not that Raphael would like you being so far. I’m surprised he tolerated this.”
I snorted. “He owed me some distance. Besides, I can’t move in with you. There’s no space for another person among your hoard.” Thea’s chambers were a precarious place, filled to the brim with furniture, dresses, shoes, books, enchanted cards, cosmetics, and I suspected at least a few ancient heirlooms.
I didn’t mention the fact that I woke with blood caked under my fingernails each morning, my throat raw from scratching it in my sleep. Raphael had warned me if I was thirsty enough, I could attack someone—Thea—in my sleep.
“I’d clear at least half a wardrobe for you,” she offered grandly.
I smiled. “I think your version of a wardrobe is just the floor.”
We sat for a while in the quiet. The quiet wasn’t the same quiet I’d known as a human. Her heartbeat was a metronome, each beat steady while mine would have been racing. The scent of her blood was burned into my memory. After I’d drank blood last night and this morning, I should have been okay. But the thirst was always there, always in the background, urging me toward the monster.
“Thea, you know you’re the closest friend I’ve ever had, right?”
She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on an elbow, and I did the same. Thea was just a few years older than me, and in many ways she’d had as hard a life as I had, if not harder. But she’d kept some brightness in her. Surrounded by monsters, she kept her back straight and her tone imperious. Around a vampire king and general, she was glib. And with me, she just didn’t give up. No matter how reluctant I was to let someone in, she had been there for me through the past months with a quick joke or comforting squeeze. Even after how I’d betrayed everyone, she’d been the first to insist there was an explanation and ask to hear it.
She trusted me. A precious gift I’d been careless with.
“Is this your way of saying you want to go back to the club tonight, and I shouldn’t feel threatened by you making other friends?”
I snorted. “Not hardly.” I wouldn’t be going back there anytime soon. “Though I realize I didn’t thank you for taking me there before I ran off.” I’d gotten upset so abruptly with the vampires. One moment I’d felt they were almost normal, thenext that sudden surge of anger had risen in me. I couldn’t even understand it now.
She flicked her hand, dismissing it. “It’s good for you to be around people, Sam. I’m happy to help facilitate. I know it can be particularly hard for you—both being around others and asking for help.”
Asking for help. I looked away and ran my fingers over the plush spread on the bed. “Spending time with other vampires is… interesting,” I said hesitantly.
“You’ll get used to it. Vampires can’t be so scary now that you’re one of them, right? You’re at the top of the food chain.”
One of them. I swallowed, unsure how to broach this topic.
“There is someone the vampires fear, though, right?”
“Everyone fears something,” she said, ever the diplomat. “But as a vampire, almost nothing can harm you.”
“But,” I pressed, “there is one creature. One witch. The necromancer.”
Thea glanced over her shoulder, as if the word might conjure the scourge of the vampires, not knowing she was lying in bed with it—withme. “They don’t like hearing that word in the kingdom.”
I got off the bed. Could I trust Thea with this? Could I tell her about my magic? “But that’s what they fear—a witch. Do you even know why?”
Thea sat up and looked past me onto the open grimoire. “You still have that?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m unnerved by the feel of its magic.”
The Black Grimoire might have hated my touch, but I loved it. Still, I hesitated. My palms were suddenly clammy. Once I told Thea the truth, there’d be no going back, even when I fled. If she ran and told Raphael everything—or worse, told Demos—I’d be executed.
But I wanted to confide in my friend. Because not trusting anyone wasn’t as safe as I let myself believe. When the fledgling bond faded and I left Damerel, I would still need to learn how to master my magic. I’d made precious little progress on my own.
