“I’m here for you, Sam. But I don’t know the first thing about harnessing this magic.”
I pulled her hands into mine, the same way she had done so many times before. “I don’t either, but at least you’ve learned how to use magic—magic that was wrongfully forbidden,” I reminded her. Oracles weren’t welcome in the Witch Kingdom, which was why she’d escaped to here as a child.
She sighed, but threaded her fingers with mine. “I may be an oracle, but I didn’t seethis.” She shook her head in disbelief. “Raphael, King of the Vampire Kingdom of the West, and probably the most powerful vampire in existence, turned a witch created to destroy his kind into a vampire?”
I remembered her once telling me that turning a witch was a taboo even among vampires. Maybe that had something to do with why it was so hard to harness my magic. “What happens when a witch is turned into a vampire?”
“It’s hard to say. It hasn’t happened in centuries, as far as I know.” She frowned. “But when it happens . . . Samara, if the other vampire kingdoms find out Raphael turned a witch, let alone theonewitch that can control them? You’ll be executed. And they may well try to do the same to him.”
I should have been scared. But I’d spent almost my entire time in the kingdom bracing for an execution that hadn’t come yet. “Then it’s even more important I learn to master this magic. Because if I use it by mistake again, I’ll be found out.”
Even she wouldn’t be able to save me then.
She nodded slowly. “Were there times before that day in the cell with Demos when you know you used your magic?”
I told her more about the instance with Demos that made me realize I’d thralled him. But also the other things, like the time the librarian attacked me. And Raphael couldn’t thrall me. I hadn’t heard of any other way that could be done, save a select few expensive magical cards. Did Raphael suspect? It wasn’t thefirst time I wondered. But I dismissed the thought. If he knew, I’d be dead.
“I’ve been trying to tap into it somehow.” I gestured to the washroom. “Before you got here, I was trying to thrall myself, but that was a complete waste of time. It’s hard to know how to use the magic when I don’t have anyone to practice on. I thought being around other vampires would bring it out of me somehow, but instead . . . I just get so angry.” Like the way I’d asked that vampiress how many people she’d killed. Or when Raphael implied the vampires made better parents than the humans.
“That’s why you wanted to come out and meet other vampires. I had wondered what really spurred that on.”
I quirked a lip up. “I’m sorry for tricking you.”
She waved it away. “I get it, Sam. I’m glad you’re trusting me with this. It sounds like the times you’ve knowingly felt the magic, you were angry or feared for your life. It’s not uncommon, especially when young, for emotions to bring a witch’s magic to the surface. But you have to be careful.”
“It happened in times when I think being emotional made sense,” I argued. Like the librarian trying to kill me, or Demos trying to make me drink blood after I’ddied. Certainly, I was entitled to being a little emotional under the circumstances.
“But there’s another instance I can think of,” Thea countered.
I frowned.
“Remember that time you saw Demos and me sparring?”
I blinked. “Wait. What?”
“It was after we all went out to Tilda’s. You were late to training, and Demos and I were going at it because of his stupid bet. He was taunting me, and you absolutely flipped out. You made him apologize.”
“I thought that was just a consequence of being in my cups for the first time the night before,” I said truthfully.
Thea blew out a breath. “Being hungover doesn’t make you angry like that, Sam. It’ll make you squint at the light like a vampire, it’ll make your head pound, but it won’t have you snarling at the vampire general that you previously kept a more-than-respectful distance from. You told him to apologize and he did. I was stunned because I’ve never seen Demos take orders from anyone but Raphael.”
I looked at her in disbelief. Was she right? Could I have used the magic even then, not realizing? I’d been so angry . . . “You don’t think he just went too far and realized he should’ve apologized in his own right?”
Thea sighed. “Demos has his merits, but if I hinged the end of every spat on an apology, we wouldn’t be able to work together. Sam, whenwespar, you can be scary. And I’m a witch.”
There had been times when things got a bit confused while sparring, like my body couldn’t tell the difference between practice and war. Even just the other day, with Raphael, I had wanted to make him bleed. But wasn’t that normal? He’d turned me, after all. “You think it’s my magic doing that?”
She eyed the grimoire at my side. “Have you been trying to use that?”
I wasn’t sure about the topic change, but it wasn’t all that unusual when talking to Thea. “I’ve been trying. Nothing’s worked.” I told her a little about the partial spells I’d decoded, and the burns. I’d spent nearly every waking moment I wasn’t with her or Raphael trying to harness its power.
“It doesn’t surprise me that the grimoire is hard to use. Grimoires are filled with advanced magic. While you can harness some serious spellwork with them, you need a foundation. Otherwise, it’s like tossing an egg out the window and expecting it to sprout wings and fly. And if it’s imbued with magic from other anti-vampire witches, no wonder it’s hard to handle.”
“So you think I should try to learn how to do smaller things first to master my magic?”My magic. Even now, terrifying as this conversation was, those words gave me a thrill.
Thea frowned, edging away from the grimoire. “It’s not just that. I wonder if the grimoire may be tied to all the anger you’ve felt. Not that you don’t have reasons to distrust vampires, but . . . do you ever feel like your thoughts aren’t quite your own?”
Now it was my turn to frown. Not my own?
