Celine surrenders to the hedge, letting it swallow the knit hat entirely. “I don’t know what to say to that,” she whispers. There’s a question in her voice, and a hint of frustration,but I’m not sure if it’s with me or herself. I don’t care. It can’t matter to her, and neither can I.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
Her lips twist into a frown, and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Thanks to the violent demise of the hat, her red hair is hanging unchecked, cascading around her face as liquid flame.Liquid flame?Even my thoughts are stupid around her.
“I don’t like it, Riven,” she says. “It makes my back itch.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t be silly; that’s just the hedge.”
“It’s not the—” She cuts herself off and narrows her eyes at me. “Why does it have to happen right now, anyway? Your journey to finding where you belong can wait for things to settle down first, can’t it? It’s too dangerous out there; he could kill you.”
I sigh. “S’lach isn’t going to waste resources on me while you’re still on the board.”
She pushes a sprig of greenery out of her face. “You don’t know that, and besides, were you going to walk away without saying a word? How would we contact you?”
“Why would you contact me?” I blurt.
She glances away, and I fight the urge to grab her chin and bring her focus back to me. “You know, to check on Hyacinth,” she mumbles. “I’d like to be her friend if she wants that.”
“Is that all?” I don’t know why I’m pushing her. Perhaps I’m discovering a latent proclivity for masochism. At this rate, the next round of my humiliation is all but ensured.
“I don’t know,” Celine says. “I don’t fucking know, Riven, but I don’t like it at all. It’s making me itch!”
“You’re repeating yourself.”
“Shut up.” She shoves me halfheartedly, and I roll my eyes.
“You already have me pinned,” I tell her. “Do you intend to bury me, too?”
“It depends.” Her fingers fist the fabric of my shirt. “If I get up, are you still going to walk away?”
I study her face, bathed mostly in shadow. My heart pounds. “There’s no reason for me to stay.”Give me one. Please, darling, give me a reason.
Celine scowls. “That was a lie,” she hisses. “You fucking lied to me just now.”
I chuckle, but there’s nothing funny about this. It’s simply one more foot of space in the endless divide between us. “I’m not your precious Malach. I lie every day, and I have no plans to stop.”
She flinches as if I slapped her, and I call myself ten different kinds of fool. Bringing up Malach was a dirty move, but I was taught to fight dirty. Why do I feel bad about it?
“But you have a reason to stay,” she says, her voice monotone. “I sensed it.”
My rising fury takes me off guard.
She’s too stubborn.Fine.If she wants the truth, she can have it.
I use my grip on her hips to push her backward until she’s straddling my erection.
“Are you happy now?” I demand. “You know my secret, the reason I’m leaving in the dead of night. My humiliation is complete, and it changesnothing. I must leave. Of course, I must leave. It’s the only chance I’ve got to be myself again. Untouchable and safe. I’ll go somewhere so far away that I’ll never run the risk of seeing you again. And perhaps, with time, I won’t spend every damn night tossing, turning, and tormenting myself with thoughts of how you might taste?—”
Celine lunges for me, and then I don’t have to imagine anything anymore.
Her lips are on mine, soft and full. They taste better than any fantasy. Mine part. She nips at my lower lip, and I push her away.
“No more,” I say, as much tomyself as to her.
She touches her lips, her mouth parting. In shock or horror, I’m not sure. The expression doesn’t last long before her eyes narrow. “Why not?”
“Because you are my destruction,” I say. Self-loathing creeps in, as insidious and inevitable as this hedge. “I will not survive you, darling, and we both know it.”
