Ciprian wipes his mouth with a napkin, balls the paper up, and tosses it at the trash can. He drains the shot, but I’m too worried about what he’s about to say to care about crumbs on the carpet.This is going to be embarrassing. I know it.
“We should address the elephant in the room,” Ciprian says, leaning back on his elbows and winking at me. “Did you two...” He raises one eyebrow. “You know, explore each other during your road trip?”
Heat floods my cheeks. There are worse ways he could have asked. I know that, but none are coming to mind. I want to crawl under the bed and stay there.
“No,” Riven says. He sounds as if he’s on trial for his life. He might as well stand up, shout ‘not guilty,’ then run screaming from the room.
“We kissed,” I clarify, refusing to be dishonest about this. “Twice.” We discussed this possibility back at the compound—Iwouldn’t have kissed Riven if we hadn’t—but I was in denial at the time. I still can’t fully wrap my head around it.
Ciprian eyes us speculatively and shrugs. “Okay.”
Riven leaps from his chair, knocking a stray fry to the floor. My eyes lock on it, even though there’s literally nothing less important. Carpet pokes through the holes of the waffle pattern. The individual fibers look like blue hair. My stomach twists.
“Okay?” Riven demands. “That’s it? I kissed the woman you love, and you just what? Don’t care at all?”
“Don’t yell at him,” Luca says, his voice tight.
I drag my gaze away from the fry in time to see Riven’s face glitch. I should say something. Anything, but I’m at a loss for words.
“You’re mistaking acceptance for apathy,” Alistair says. “If you hurt Celine, there will be nowhere in this universe where you’ll be safe from me.”
“We’re not together,” Riven insists.
My hands curl in my lap. He’s telling the truth. We’ve kissed twice, and that’s no one’s definition of a relationship. Friendship is safer, anyway. I can’t risk losing another piece of my heart while I’m trying to get Malach back.
Knowing that Riven gets carsick and being able to predict when his face will warp—it’s going to do it in 3-2-1—Static rolls over the bridge of his nose, exactly as I predicted, but there’s no triumph in being right. Not this time.
Because I don’t want to be friends.
And his vicious denial that there’s anything between us stings.
The others can’t tell that I’m reeling, but unfortunately, there’s no hiding it from Luca. He pushes to his feet, and his eyes flicker yellow. “You’ve hurt her feelings. Fix it.”
I put myself between them, shame churning low in my belly. Our bond is a snitch, and so is Luca. “No, no, he hasn’t,” I lie, flinching at the sudden pain. “Everyone, stop. No more threats. No more nosy questions. Please.”
I’m an idiot.
An embarrassed idiot.
My eyes burn again, and I ruthlessly order my tear ducts to knock it off. This situation is too tense and too pathetic for me to even contemplate adding tears to the mix.
I’m overtired, that’s all, and discouraged over the gateway dead end. This means nothing. It can’t, and it won’t until I decide it does. That’s up to me. It’s one of the few things left in my life I can truly control.
Crouching, I grab the loose fry and toss it into the trash can.
“Good shot, babe,” Ciprian murmurs.
I try to summon a smile, but it’s too far out of reach, an expression I’d have an easier time putting on someone else’s face than my own.
“I need to use the restroom,” I blurt, retreating before they can question me.
The bathroom is like every other hotel bathroom I’ve ever seen. Small, with unflattering lighting and scratchy white towels worn ragged by bleach and too many cycles through an industrial-sized washing machine.
I glance at my reflection and wince. I look feral, almost as wild as I did in the monster realm. It was excusable then, but now... I turn the faucet on and splash cold water on my face. It helps, giving me a better grip on my frayed emotions. After I get a good night’s sleep, I’ll feel better. I’ll soak up this time with the guys and continue my hunt for a gateway.
I can do this.
I will do this.
