When he pulled into the farmhouse driveway, he realized it would be for the last time. He had been here twice before. Once for the dog. Once to bring Olivia groceries. This time was different. This time he was here for something else. The thing he should’ve started with.
His headlights must have alerted him, because Jake was already standing on the small porch of the cottage, perched angrily over his crutches. The rain had picked up on the drive over and was coming down in torrents now. It didn’t matter. Perry was soaked through and shivering with cold. Which somehow seemed fitting.
“What do you want?” Jake shouted from the stoop. The door to the cottage was closed behind him. He would not be inviting Perry in.
“I want to say I’m sorry.”
Jake said nothing.
“I was mistaken about Emma. And about you, too. But you have to understand…”
Jake pointed one crutch at him. “No, Perry! You have to understand. Your whole life you’ve carried this chip on your shoulder. And I never understood it. But I always felt like it was somehow my fault.”
Jake’s voice cracked as he fought to be heard over the driving rain. Perry strained to listen.
“Maybe it was hard for you to fit in. Maybe you weren’t as comfortable in your own skin as Phoebe and I were. I used to feel sorry for you. But not anymore. You’ve done it, Perry. You beat us all. You beat me! You’ve got the big house, the fancy job, the happy family. You’ve got it all. You win!”
Perry held up his hands. “I’m not trying to beat you. I’m trying to help you.”
“Help me?” Jake tipped his head back and laughed. “By inserting yourself between me and Olivia? By scrutinizing every fucking thing I do? It’s not a competition, Perry. It never was.”
“This is about more than you and me, Jake. You’re about to be a husband and a father.”
Jake surged forward on his crutches and came at him quickly down the steps, stopping just short of Perry. For a second Perry thought he’d take a swing at him. “Then why can’t you be fucking happy for me?”
“Because you don’t get it. It’s not just about you anymore!”
“I know that, Perry! Why the hell do you think I’m still here? Because I love her!”
Perry shuddered beneath the rainfall. “But do you love Luci?”
Jake glared at him from beneath the hood of his raincoat. “I’m trying to!”
It was the most broken, honest thing his brother had ever said.
Jake swung sharply away from him on his crutches, and stumbled. Instinctively Perry reached out between them, then stopped.
“Go home, Perry,” Jake called back. “Go home to your own family.”
Perry stood in the downpour as Jake struggled back toward the house, dragging his bad leg up over the front walk, one excruciating step at a time. Perry remained in the yard beneath the driving rain until the cottage door slammed behind his brother and the only sound remaining was water. He could not go.
A while later, the lanterns flanking the front door went on. His heart lifted. Olivia’s figure filled the window, the oval of her face blurred by the showers. Could she see him out there?
As if in reply, Olivia placed her palm flat against the glass. The rain roared in his eardrums. Then she turned out the lights.
Emma
She hadn’t gotten far. Her mother found her down at her grandparents’ dock, and whisked her wordlessly home. Emma was ready for the complete freak-out. For the long lecture. For all of it. After all, her father couldn’t even look at her at the dinner table. But her mother didn’t utter a sound when she got in the car.
“Where’s Dad?” Emma asked.
At first her mother didn’t reply, and Emma thought maybe she hadn’t heard. Then she raked her hand through her wet hair and swung the car out of the driveway. “I don’t know.” It was the only thing she said the whole way home.
Back at the house, Amelia strode inside ahead of her and Emma followed uncertainly. She watched her mother toss her purse and keys roughly on the pedestal table in the foyer and head for the stairs. Halfway up, she stopped and turned around. “Hey.” Her voice was sharp. Unlike her.
Emma looked up at her, afraid to say anything.
Amelia jabbed her finger in the space between them, her face distorted and red. “I love you.”
