“Chase,” I start, but he shakes his head, stepping in closer until there’s barely any space between us.
“You think I don’t have darkness too?” he murmurs. “That’s part of life, Ryan. The dark just makes the light feel worthwhile. And you…you make it worthwhile.”
I open my eyes, meeting his, and the intensity in his gaze makes it hard to breathe.
“I…” I fiddle with the locket around my neck. My mom’s diamond. I haven’t taken it off since I got it back. “I…should go,” I finally say, and then hurry off before he can stop me.
Graduation feels surreal, like I’m floating above it all, watchingthe crowd of beaming parents and graduates, hearing their goodbyes andsee you soons. My mind is already on the road ahead of me, which is more bittersweet than I expected. I found a real family in this town, and while I don’t want to say goodbye to them, every part of me feels ready to leave Starlingbehind.
After the ceremony, Maggie, Dan, and my cousins take me out to lunch, and we pile into a booth at the diner. It’s supposed to be a celebration, but I pick at my food, trying to push down the emotions tightening my throat and eddying in my stomach.
Maggie reaches across the table for my hand, giving me that gentle, motherly smile she’s been wearing a lot lately. “You’re really leaving us, huh?”
I nod, looking down at our joined hands. “Only for a little while. I’m visiting my friend Jess in Philly, and then…I don’t know. Wherever I end up, I guess.”
Dan clears his throat, his voice a bit rough. “Wherever you go, you’ve got us. We’re here. Always.”
I smile, swallowing hard. “Thanks. That means a lot.”
“But don’t you dare go silent on us,” Maggie warns. “I’m serious. You check in once a week or we’re coming to find you.”
“Once a week,” I promise with a laugh. “I can do that.”
I can tell this is harder for them than they’re letting on. Saying goodbye. We talk about other things after that. Jasmine’s summer plans, Connor’s attempt to find a part-time job.
There’s another goodbye I’ve been putting off. Chase leaves tomorrow too, on his parallel road trip. Which makes me feel a bit foolish, because why should we take two different trips when we could be taking one epic trip together? But the idea of committing to leaving town with him, committing tobeingwith him…it’s terrifying. Overwhelming. And it makes me want to run. Hide.
That night, I’m placing clothes in my suitcase when Jasmine walks into our bedroom. Soon to beherbedroom again. She perches on the edge of my bed, watching me pack.
“So you’re really going through with it?” she asks, looking at the piles of stuff strewn across the bed.
I nod, folding a sweater. “I think it’s what I need.”
She picks at a loose thread on my comforter, averting her gaze. “Just don’t forget us, okay? You know, when you’re off being cool and taking all these amazing nature photos, just remember we exist back here.”
“Like I could ever forget you, Jazzy. One, you’re, like, the most unforgettable person ever. And two, you’re my family.”
Jasmine shrugs, but I glimpse the shine of emotion in her eyes. “Stop being so sappy, cousin.”
She leaves me to my packing, but I’m distracted when a text from Mar pops up on my phone. She sent me the selfie that the three of us—Mar, Ty, and I—took after the ceremony earlier. As I stare at our smiling faces, I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for all of us.
Well, for Mar, it’s college out of state. She’s majoring in photography and art, and I know she’ll kick ass at both. For Ty, it’s Vanderbilt.
For me…it’s a little fuzzier.
I’m still not sure, but I think I’m actually excited. Even a little hopeful. I haven’t felt this way in, well…ever.
Although I haven’t had a nightmare since we found my father’s bunker, I’m still not the best sleeper. I don’t plan on doing any more hypnosis, but maybe Dr.Wilmer has some strategies for how to shut off my brain. It’s always on, no matter how hard I try to turn it off.
I’m grateful when the morning sun starts to filter through the blinds, because it gives me an excuse to get up. I have breakfast with Maggie and Dan at the kitchen counter. By the time the twins roll out of bed, my suitcase is on the porch and the Uber driver is pulling up to collect me.
Still wearing her pajamas, Jasmine steps onto the porch and pouts at me. “I can’t believe you’re leaving.”
“I’ll call and text,” I assure her.
“You’d better,” Connor says, tugging me in for a hug. “And you’d better come back and visit us.”
“I will. I promise.”
