My gaze shifts to Anabel White, the fifth victim, whose son spoke at the press conference.
The first victim, however, is who the true-crime sleuths focus on the most, because she’s of Indian descent. I think I sawLydia Singh’s daughter at the press conference, standing behind Benjamin White.
In Lydia’s section, there are dozens of links to various podcasts, including an episode recorded by the Rain King himself onFree the Sparrows. I listen to the first minute before turning it off. Seems like he plans to spend a whole hour hypothesizing about why the Starling Slayer chose a minority as his first victim, as if my dad was attempting to make some sort of social statement instead of just being a fucking psychopath.
Bitterness coats my throat now. I’m about to close the browser window when another heading catches my eye.
Thorn Prison Letters.
My brow furrows. Prison letters? Far as I know, Dad wrote only three letters from his prison cell, and they were addressed to me.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I click the link, which takes me to a main page with a pinned thread.
Photocopies of the letters Thorn wrote Gabrielle from death row. Source:The Case Against Gabriel Thorn, ABC documentary.
My breath gets stuck in my throat. How did ABC even get—
Prison mail is monitored, you idiot.
I exhale in a rush. Right. Of course. There’s no way law enforcement and the prison authorities would allow my father to send any mail without someone having gone over it with a fine-tooth comb first. What if he was disclosing the location of the bodies?
I suddenly feel stupid, because in the years since I tore up those letters, I honestly thought my father’s words were lost for good. There were moments, when the nightmares came, that I wished I still had possession of them so I could reread each word and try to make sense of why Dad did what he did.
The top link takes me to another page. This one has three links.
LETTER #1
LETTER #2
LETTER #3
Once again, my heart is battering my rib cage. Taking another breath, I click the first link.
Thorn Prison Letters #1
Source:The Case Against Gabriel Thorn,ABC documentary.
My little sparrow,
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. This is the place to do it, I suppose.
I think about you.
I think about your mother.
I think about what I made you witness.
You must know how sorry I am for what you saw.I never meantIt haunts me too, Gabby. Every day. But at the same time, I owe you thanks for it. Having your eyes on me that night, it felt like my wings were clipped. That’s when I knew I couldn’t keep flying from what I had done. What I’d become. It was you, watching, that made me realize I had to cage myself.
I loved your mother more than words can say. What happened that night was never supposed to happen. It was an accident. I never meant to take her from you. Deep down, in your heart, you must know that.You must know meYou know I would never hurt her on purpose, just like I would never hurt you.
I’m where I belong now, this cage of mine. But I want you to know, Gabby, that I never, not even once, stopped loving you. You were the only thing keeping me tethered to the earth, even as the rest of me was lost.
I love you always.
Daddy
eight
