I weakly lift my head.
“Hi, Daddy.”
My voice is a squeak. I don’t want to be scared. I want to be brave, like Mom told me to be.
He studies me. I wonder if my face looks the way hers did before she screamed. I wonder what her face looks like now. I can check. I can just turn my head. But I stay rooted in place, cowering under their bed. When we heard him coming down the hall, she abandoned the suitcase, forgot about the clothes strewn on the bed.
She whispered, “Hide, Gabby,” so I hid.
I stare into my father’s eyes and ask the question hanging in the air between us.
“Are you going to kill me now?”
His face collapses. He breathes in hard. “I would never hurt you, Gabby. Ever.”
I do it. I look over at my mom. She’s not moving. She landed face down, and a red puddle has formed around her tummy. It oozes outward, getting bigger and bigger and bigger. How big will it get? Will it eventually cover the whole room? My eyelids get hot and sting and my throat shrieks silently with pain. I don’t want to be in here when the puddle reaches me.
I’m scared. I’m so so so scared—
“They’re going to say I did things. Bad things.” He pauses. “I suppose they’re right.”
I force my gaze away from Mom. I force myself not to look at that spot on his left temple, stained with her blood when he wiped the sweat away with the back of his palm.
“Ah, Gabby. There’s nosupposeabout it. I did it all. But I need you to know two things. Okay? Are you listening closely?”
I manage a tiny nod.
“Good girl. First thing you need to know is that I love them very much. No matter what anyone says, no matter what brush the world will try to paint me with—this is the truth. They’re precious to me.” He smiles. “I take care of them. And they’re so grateful because they know I keep them safe. They are safe and loved, always and forever.”
My head hurts. I don’t know what he’s saying to me. I don’t understand. But I nod and pretend, because if I don’t, he might get mad again.
“The second thing—the most important thing—is that I never wanted to hurt your mom.”
But you did.A sob fights to free itself from my lips. I bite it back.
His head cocks to the side, waiting for me to answer.
I have no answer. No voice. No mother. I have nothing at all.
I’m so scared. So scared. I am so scared so scared so scared so scared—
“Come out from there, sweetness. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I whimper.
“It’s all right. I’m not mad that you wet yourself. I promise.”
As he reaches for me, I see the blood on his fingertips. I smell it, sharp and coppery. I shrink back, pressing myself against the wall. The shadows are closing in on me. I can’t breathe again, and his hand is getting closer.
So scared so scared so scared so scared so scared so scared so scared—
I wake with a start, my scream caught somewhere inside me, my eyes tearing wide open as I bat away a pair of hands that aren’t there.
Gasping, I look around. I’m in Jasmine’s bedroom. Pale early-morning light is filtering through her blinds.
Safe. I’m safe.
On the other bed, Jasmine casts one sleepy eye at me. “Jeez, Ryan,” she mumbles, grabbing her pillow and rolling so that her back is to me. “Nightmare much?”
