Farren bursts out of the stables with a frustrated huff before I can silently apologize.
Dr. Walsh rolls up his sleeves and crouches on the ground next to me. “Maureen, you don’t need to be here for this.”
“No, I’ll stay. John Murphy has high expectations for this one. It’sthe first female he’s put on auction in five years.” She wrings her hands. I’m motionless, but my insides feel like the anxious flutter of her fingers, twisting.
Dr. Walsh looks at me, an unspoken directive settling. With Mrs. Moore hovering I’m not just pretending. I have to perform this procedure. And as simple as it may be, it’s still operating, digging into the scales and pulling out all the metal that has grown inward.
“It’s a humble crafting, James. We’re cutting out the three scales. Like a bad hangnail.”
Right. Feels likemorethan a hangnail though.
Dr. Walsh talks me through the three steps. Identify. Grip. Pull.
Only those are the same three instructions in descaling. It all comes back. Hort’s jerking against his restraints. Hort, silver coated and scared, like he knew I was about to hurt him and didn’t understand why.
Elin yanks her foot away and I flinch.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper.
Dr. Walsh’s hands slide over mine and clutch them. I only realize then how much I’m shaking. “You’re okay. You’re okay. We’re helping her. Make it fast and there will be less pain.” Dr. Walsh leans in close. “If you can’t do it then just pretend and I’ll…”
“No, I want to help her. I want to.”
But I’m too slow, hesitating. Maybe I’ve just been fantasizing I could be any good at this. It’s one thing to pretend with Farren to keep Nity’s secret safe, entirely another to be so… so weak I can’t even craft.He’s weak.Art Whimbley’s words infiltrate my thoughts.You might have to give up on him, John.
Weak.
Weak.
I’m weak.
Dr. Walsh squeezes my hand again. “Let me tell you something I taught Farren when she was first learning. As veterinarians to these magnificent creatures we can’t let fear stop us from intervening, we can’t sit by, and wecan’t just watch. We try to help when we can. You’re a good kid, James. Strong. Resilient.”
Strong. Me?
“I know you don’t want to watch her be in pain. I know youwantto help her.”
“I do.”
“So, we’ll help.”
I refocus on the silver. I stare for as long as it takes for me to take a deep breath. Then I pull the silver scales out of the Sprinter’s foot. And I complete my first veterinarian procedure. I help her.
After, I seek out Farren. I know I can’t celebrate with her, but even in her ribbing me I’ll be happy. I round a stall and draw up short at Cara’s voice.
“I thought maybe you resented me for advancing into silver-crafting without you,” she is saying. “But that’s not it, is it?” As Cara blows out a breath, I press myself against the stall next door. I don’t dare interrupt, but I also can’t seem to back away either, curiosity a magnet in my chest. “How in the world are you friends with James Murphy, but left me behind?”
“I told you it’s not like that. Murphy and I arenotfriends.”
“I see how you don’t object to the part aboutusnot being friends anymore. You have to tell me more than that, Farren. Why would your parents let him intern, let him stay at the sanctuary?” Cara asks.
“You know my parents.” Farren’s voice carries.
“They don’t know, do they? They don’t know all the awful things he’s said about you.”
Awful things I’ve said about her?Farren’s quiet. Too quiet. I wish I could see her face.What is Cara talking about?
“I don’t know why you won’t ever tell anyone what you are really thinking or feeling. Acting like everything is okay doesn’t make everything okay.”
