It’s in that moment I feel myself become unglued. All the hiding, thefaking. For days upon days I’ve been smashing my feelings down in regard to James Murphy. Now they are bursting out of me, gnawing for attention.
“I’m tired of pretending,” I whisper.
I don’t wait for him to respond. Instead I lean forward and kiss him. I’m doing as he suggested, reclaiming my first kiss as something I choose. I’m choosing him.
When I pull back a moment later, my stomach sours at the disbelief on his face. Oh my god, I’ve read this all wrong. I threw myself at him when he was only looking for an explanation. And he’s never kissed anyone either. I’m as bad as Colm, forcing myself on him. I’m an awful, horrible, person.
“Did you…?”
“I’m sorry—I’msosorry. I didn’t mean to steal your first kiss.”
His eyes light up and all that surprise seems to turn into delight. “You haven’t. Not until I kissyou.”
Before I can respond he’s leaning back in, hands in my hair and lips against mine. And all at once James Murphy is kissing me like he never wants to stop.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINEWHEN YOU FEEL LIKE FLYING
JAMES
Farren Walsh is kissing me. She’s kissing me back as I kiss her.
One moment I’m anticipating her answer to a long-wondered question—why does Farren really hate me? The next she’s in my arms. I had to take a moment to make sure this was real. As soon as she started to apologize, I took my chance.
I don’t want her to regret this for a moment because Farren kissing me is more than I could have ever imagined. My hands are in her hair, like silk against my fingers. When she wraps her arms around me, I mirror her and we’re hugging and kissing, and she’s pressed against me fully. I can feel her heat like it’s mine, like it’s something to be shared.
The rolling landscape is in my favor tonight because Farren’s on a downward slope, eliminating our height difference. In fact, she’s reaching upward and I’m pulling her closer. One hand still rests against her jaw and into her hair while the other grips her waist.
A groan erupts from the back of my throat. In any other situation, I’d be embarrassed. But in this moment, all I feel is Farren. Farren gripping my shirt. Farren’s tongue deepening the kiss.Our kiss. This is ours.
I never thought I could possess such a moment, her returning this desire I’ve been carrying.
We break away to catch our breaths. Our chests rise and fall at the same time. Our foreheads rest together. “I could kiss you forever,” I whisper.
Her expression shifts on that last word. A frown. “We can’t… we can’t have forever though, can we?”
Within a sentence everything tips. “We can.” I don’t even know if I’m telling the truth. I just know the opposite sounds awful in a way I can’t bear to say aloud.
When she lightly shakes her head, I break. “Farren, please. I’m not asking to publicize this. I’m asking…” I try to gulp back my panic. “I’m okay being your secret.”
She takes a step back, a cleaving motion letting the cold air divide us. By the look on her face I’ve said the wrong thing. “All I have are secrets. And I’m not good at keeping them.” She bites her bottom lip. “Today, your dad saw me at the tournament.”
I don’t understand why this is upsetting. “He hired you as a spotter.”
“He saw me following you.”
“That doesn’t—”
“I could tell. Heknew.”
“Walsh, my father is a callous jerk. If he gave you a look, that’s his expression every ten minutes.”
“But at the tournament I crafted Colm to me. Anyone could have seen, and they did. The recruiter, for one.”
“Recruiter?”
She takes a breath. “A recruiter approached me for a racing position at Revers.”
“He did? Mystery solved then.” I even laugh at the irony. “That’s why my father looked pissed. He needs his dragons to be the best at all times. You and Daphine stole the show with your flying. You stole my spot, and he’s furious.”
