“Okay? Is that it?” My face burns.
“No. That’s not it.” He cups one of my cheeks in his hand. “I love you, too.”
“I—I should have said that.”
“You did.”
“Sid Charles, I love you.” The moment the words are spoken, the feeling grows, the truth becoming brighter the louder I let it live.
“And I love you.”
This time when we kiss, nothing else needs to be said. I lean back into the pillows, drawing him with me. Our movements are slow and deliberate, a testament to the belief we share that we can afford to take our time. A lifetime together opens up in front of me, and while I’m still learning what the exact shape of it will be, I know he’ll be a central part of it.
I don’t know if I deserve to be loved like this. It seems too incredible that a world filled with terrible pain has also given me the chance to belong somewhere again. Perhaps there will always be whispering doubts that this could be taken away, but no matter how cruel fate may one day be, I find myself hopeful. There will always be something about the world that is worth loving. And even if joy isn’t permanent, neither is its end. Like pine seeds after a forest fire, there will always be something that grows where pain once was.
And so I love him.
And so the world carries on.
I WISH Icould say that I wake up the next morning and march straight into town, ready to storm Astolia. I wish change came that easily.
I start by walking April to the road and sitting with her before she takes the bus into school. As we wait for the wagon, I give her a shortened version of the story Sid told me about TNS and how that led into our discussion about Astolia. And for the first time, I tell her about Beth-Anne.
April takes it all in with a frown. “Do you really think we’ll get in trouble?”
“We?”
“I mean… webothlied to them.”
“Shit.” I forgot about that. April still has a demerit on her papers forlengthy unknown affiliation, too. Would telling someone we lied put her access to insulin in jeopardy? “If you don’t want me to, then—”
“No,” she says firmly. “For once in your life, don’t worry about me.”
It’s so hard not to, even facing her steely gaze. Whydoes she have to be so desperate to grow up? But maybe she’s right. The greatest gift I can give her is letting go.
“Okay.”
“Good.” She nods sharply, not the least bit afraid. Trusting Salt Spring’s promises always has come easier to her than me. “I’m glad you and Sid finally talked about everything. It definitely explains a few things.”
“Like what?”
“Mostly why James is such a cocky bastard.”
I burst with laughter. “You’re right. He must love rubbing in the fact that he was never a true TNS kid.”
“I wonder why he stuck around with Sid and Silas once they got here.”
“I don’t.” I look down the path toward the comfort and safety of the farm. I’m growing antsy, sitting out in the open so long, but I’m also proud. It’s more than I’ve managed to do for a long time. “I don’t wonder about it at all.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think James was shagging either of them. Granted, I don’t know for sure,” says April. “But your case seems a little different.”
I shrug. “Maybe it is.”
“Maybe?”
I’m unsure how April will react to the next thing I need to tell her. She might scream at me for being irresponsible, but hopefully, with time she’ll realize how deeply I’ve considered my choice. “Sid and I… we’ve decided that whatever happens with this demerits situation, we’re not splitting up once you and I get citizenship. I’m staying with him.”
“And am I supposed to stay here as well?” she asks. “Forever?”
