Three and a half years of silence, and apparently, they were talking again. She wasn’t doing a good job of showing it, but she was glad he was here, still talking to her after everything. Foolish as she felt about it, she was coming to terms with the fact that she still wanted him in her life, still wanted whatever this was between them. But why didhewant it? He was Felix Seraphin. The whole world wanted to be his friend. He didn’t need her.
Asta sighed. ‘If you don’t mind, I’m getting soaked.’ She went inside, leaving the door open behind her.
Felix followed her in. He closed the door, and the patter of the rain quieted into a muted and inobtrusive drumming that saved them from the awkwardness of total silence. He took a seat in one of the black leather chairs while Asta peeled off her rain-patched sweatshirt, the left side of her back aching with the motion, and spread it on the foot of the bed to dry. She brushed through her hair with her fingers and took a seat in the other chair, groaning as she kicked her socked feet up on the coffee table.
She might as well get to the point. ‘Why are you here, Felix?’
But he wouldn’t stop looking at her, his face worried. ‘Something’s weird about you. Weirder than usual. Is something going on with the Bruces?’
She had wanted someone who knew her, didn’t she? He was reading her like an open book. But she still didn’t know why he was here, and until she did, Asta wasn’t about to start spilling her guts.
‘If anyone is being weird, it’s you,’ she told him.
‘I just want to talk. How is that weird?’
Asta wasn’t about to make this easy for him. ‘You’ve been weird since we got here. “I’m Felix Seraphin.”’ Asta’s voice turned mocking. ‘“Hurray, everyone’s here to watch me win. Who cares about a small-time racer like Asta Ekenberg?” “Why, thank you,Ms. Gameiro.”’ Asta exaggerated the name. ‘“Yes, Iwouldlike to tell everyone how hard my life has been as the crown prince of racing.”’
‘Knock it off,’ Felix said.
But Asta pushed herself out of the chair and stood, hands on hips, like she was posing for the camera. ‘“Everyone look at me! Everyone write stories about me! Quick, someone take my picture. Don’t wanna waste this.”’ She waved her hand at her face.
‘You think I enjoy any of that?’ Felix blurted. ‘I hate it. You know that I hate it!’
‘Ah, but you’re a Seraphin,’ she answered, shrugging. ‘This is what you were born for.’
The look he gave her was full of so much hurt and anger that Asta wished she could take the words back.
Felix took a deep breath. ‘I am not going to do this, Asta. I won’t feel bad for being who I am.’
Asta was unmoved. This wasn’t really about fame or his family. It was about who he had let himself become. He had turned into a jerk, and he couldn’t deny it.
‘Feel whatever you want. Dowhatever you want. You always do anyway.’ Asta made her way stiffly to the kitchenette. She opened the fridge.
Even now– two minutes into this conversation and both of them with their dander up– Asta was glad that they were talking. It was like they were testing each other out, seeing how far they could go before the other one cracked. They were trying to see, she thought, how much of their old relationship was still there.
They were getting close to saying the truth to each other. She could feel it. Closer than they had gotten since they arrived here. Maybe it was finally time. But the idea of saying the whole truth scared her, and she didn’t know how to start.
‘You want something to drink?’ she asked instead.
Felix shook his head. She cracked open a bottle of mineral water and watched the illusion of her and Carmine on the Needle for a few cycles before speaking again.
Just tell him the truth, she told herself. See what happens.
She gritted her teeth. ‘I really do need to win this thing.’
Felix was slow to speak. ‘Everyone here wants to win, Asta. That doesn’t make you special.’
‘No, I mean, Ineedto win.’ She leaned her elbows on to the black marble counter and nudged the base of her illusion, turning it around. ‘I have debts to pay.’
Once Nat got knocked out of the tournament tomorrow, which Asta was desperately trying to convince herself was inevitable, especially if Vulture was going to poop out in the final straightaway like she did yesterday, then Asta would have a brief window where the note was meaningless, except as a kind of IOU. That would be her chance to get free– but only if she won. If she didn’t win, she would walk away with nothing, and who knows when she could repay Hummer’s loan. With the prize money, though, she could pay him back so many times over that they could forget all about that creepy little note.
‘If you need money, I can—’
‘I don’t wantmoredebts, Felix. I just need to win.’
Rather than answer her, Felix leaned forward in the black leather chair, his elbows on his knees, his head lowered. All this time, she had been worried about how he was scrutinizing her, but she hadn’t stopped to look back at him. Now that she did, she saw that he looked tired.
Asta felt a twinge of remorse for the things she had said to him earlier. She straightened from the counter and carried her water back to her chair to sit beside him. But he stayed as he was.
