Felix returned, head high, coming toward the place where Asta and Gem stood. Gem pushed off from the wall where he had been leaning, as if he meant to give them a little space, but Asta reached out and grabbed the corner of his color-blocked windbreaker.
‘Don’t leave,’ she said under her breath.
‘Chicken.’ Gem pulled his jacket back from her grip and resumed his lean against the wall.
Felix halted in front of Gem and Asta. He gave Gem a brief nod, which Gem returned.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ he said to Asta. ‘They’re going to let you race, I’m sure.’ He sounded like his father.
She narrowed her eyes. ‘You’re very confident.’
Felix looked at her blankly. ‘My parents have known the Gameiros for a long time. She’ll listen to them.’
From the floor, Nat snorted. Hummer rubbed his chin with his hand, his jaw jutted forward.
Asta shook her head. ‘You know the world isn’t like that for the rest of us, right?’
‘It’s not a different world, Asta. Thisishow the world works. Welcome to reality.’
‘It’syourreality. Not mine.’
Felix dropped his eyes and huffed a laugh through his nose. ‘Sure. Whatever you say.’
‘Screw that.’ She was sick of all the unsaid words lurking under their conversations. ‘Whatever it is you’re thinking, just go ahead and say it.’
A Silverscale staff member came out of one of the doors further down the hall and walked through the knot of them gathered by the meeting-room door, forcing Felix to step closer to Asta to let them pass. He did not back up again when the hallway was clear. Asta couldn’t think with him that close.
He lowered his voice, though Asta was sure the others could still hear him just fine. ‘If you get out of this today, it is going to be because ofmyreality. You could just say thank you.’ Why did he always trot out that hoity-toity attitude whenever things got heated?
Asta clenched her fists. ‘I never asked you to do anything, Felix. “Your reality” is poisonous.’
‘Okay, guys,’ Gem said, fidgeting at Asta’s elbow. ‘Let’s just cool it.’
Felix did not seem to hear him. He gave a hard, breathy laugh, his eyes still on Asta. ‘Yousayyou want to be in this business. Well, this is it. It’s dirty, all the way down.’ He looked significantly at Nat, then Hummer. He leaned in close to Asta, his voice a whisper. ‘And it’s making you dirty, too.’
‘Fuck you.’ Asta shoved his chest, and he stumbled back from her. Gem grabbed at Asta’s shoulder. Nat was on her feet in a second, ready for a fight. Hummer, too, widened his stance in a panther-like crouch. Under his hat, his eyes sparked with hungry anticipation.
But Asta could not take her eyes off Felix. He was still hiding something, holding something back. She couldn’t read him when he was like this. Did he hate her? Did he pity her? One minute he was sitting in her room, crying about how misunderstood he was, the next he was accusing her of being naïve and yet somehow also corrupt. Why did he keep showing up if all he was going to do was play games with her? What the hell did he want from her?
Felix raised his hands. He was not going to fight. ‘Sure. Fuck me for trying to help, right? What’s new?’
‘Asshole,’ Nat muttered, and dropped her fists.
‘Honestly, though, Asta.’ Felix pointed at Nat. ‘What are you even doing with this goddamned maniac? It’s her fault this happened. Why are you letting her drag you down?’
Nat stepped forward again. ‘You wanna go, Golden Boy? Keep talking about me. See what happens.’
It felt like Asta’s head was going to explode. ‘We wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t told on us to your little friend,Pikki.’
Felix laughed. ‘She asked a question – I told the truth. How was I supposed to know what you were going to do?’ He paced away from Asta and then came back. ‘No, you can’t blame me for this. You got yourself here. That’s what you wanted, right? You did it all by yourself. No help needed. Why do I even try?’
Asta bit back her tears. ‘I don’t know! Why do you? Why don’t you just stop? Please! The last time you tried to help, you tore my freaking heart out, Felix. I didn’t want yourhelp,I wantedyou.Just you. And I lost you.’
Asta heard Gem make a quiet sound of surprise. She could feel Nat and Hummer’s eyes on her, but she could not look away from Felix.
His eyes brimmed with tears. ‘And this is better? Losing everything?’
Hot tears streaked down Asta’s cheeks. Defeated, she leaned her back against the wall– arms crossed over her stomach, eyes on the ground– and cried.
