I don’t want to ask. To do so means that I give a shit, and if I give a shit, he’ll never, ever let me go. It’ll give him some idea that I’m curious about him; worse, that I’m interested in him.
Does that stop me, though?
Virgin??
“I’m a good boy, baby. I’ve been saving myself for marriage. All I’ve ever done is kiss before, and you’re the lucky girl who got my kiss. Since then, I’ve been waiting for you to let me try again… and do a little more than that. So… what do you say, Haven? You ready to make an honest man of me, then take my virginity?”
He’s teasing. He has to be. I remember that kiss so vividly, even now. If that was his first kiss, he must be a kissing savant because it’s the best one I’ve ever had.
And marry him? Just so he can get laid? Now I know he’s fucking insane, because how does he think it’s a good idea to ask me something like that—even if he’s joking—after what I went through?
True, he doesn’tknowwhat I went through, and I’m going to keep it that way if I can. But maybe he needs to be aware that I’m not the pristine virgin I once was…
So I’m a virgin. It doesn’t mean no one’s ever touched me.
The amusement in his eyes disappears the second he reads my shaky scrawl.
He grits his teeth. “That doesn’t count. I’m telling you, Haven, that doesn’t count.”
It’s easy for him to say that.
I set my pen down and fold my hands in my lap, looking down at them instead of at him.
Connor curses.
“Shit. No. I didn’t mean that. Of course that counts. No way in fucking hell am I saying what you went through… baby,that counts only in that I understand the trauma they put you through. And I took care of who I could. I’ll make all of them pay for what they did to you… but when I think about you, I think of you being mine andonlymine. That’s what I mean, cupcake. No one else will ever touch you with love and affection andneedthe way that I will.”
For a moment, I let his earnest words wash over me. It’s hard, I think. It’s so much easier to dismiss him when it seems like he’s kidding around. But when he sounds dead serious? It’s impossible to brush him off.
He means it. I don’t know why he does, or what made him wake up one morning and decide that I have to be his, but he did, and I have to remember that. Members of the Order are entitled as fuck. They’re known as the Owed for a reason. They believe they can get everything they want, and for some reason, Connor wantsme.
It’s so much easier to pretend he doesn’t when he’s goofing off. Maybe it’ll work the same way for me if I treat the whole situation like it hasn’t destroyed me.
I bite down on my bottom lip as I pick up the pen.
Cupcake =(
Connor chuckles under his breath, the relief evident in the sound. “I guess it’s a no on ‘cupcake’ then, huh?”
God damn it. How does he do that? How does he make my stomach twitch in disgust and violence one second, then turn that smile on me and the twinge in my belly means something totally different?
I shake my head.
“Don’t worry. I’m still working on finding the perfect nickname for you. Unless you’ll accept Haven Heyward as your new name?”
I scoff, and his chuckle becomes an amused laugh. “Yes. Knew I was pushing my luck, but I had to try.”
No. He didn’t. He really didn’t…
“Okay. Now that we both know where we stand, what can I do to make this easier for you? I’ll do anything.” He pauses. “Anything but let you go, that is.”
Yes. I think I’m finally beginning to understand that.
Anything, huh? Think, Haven. Sometime during the last six weeks, Connor Heyward has lost his fucking mind. He’s gone from my rescuer to my would-be savior and definite captor. He won’t let up until I eat, he’s trapped me in the finished basement of his house—the entire floor of his home set up for something just like this—and he’s giving me carte blanche to ask for almost anything.
He’s an Owed from a founding family. In Harmony Heights, I could demand the world, and he’d find a way to give it to me because no one in this town will tell him no.
No one, it seems, butme.
