It hits like a punch to the chest. What she’s asking of me… that might be the only thinking Ican’t do.
“You’ll leave me.”
“You have to trust me enough to believe that I won’t. Just like I have to be able to trust you not to hurt me.”
Shit.
This is the worst possible time for us to have this conversation. I don’t think Haven is so manipulative that she would fuck me just to earn her freedom. Then again, this is the woman who tried to poison me with foxglove. She stabbed me in the ass. Tossed me down my own stairs. Nearly slit my throat… maybe she did.
No.No. She loves me. She might not realize it yet herself, but she loves me. Does she love me enough to stay?
She’s right. If she can trust me enough to let me inside of her body, I need to prove that I trust her to choose me. Only one thing: I’ve promised countless times that I would never hurt her on purpose.
Haven’s never promised that she won’t leave me.
Can I risk it? If I don’t… I think I’ll lose her anyway.
Fuck.
“Okay. But, first, let me say something. Is that okay?”
Haven bites her bottom lip, then nods.
Good.
“I’ve only ever loved you. I can survive a knife to my throat. I can survive you poisoning me. After all, true loveispoison. It works its way inside of you, stopping your heart, stopping yourbreath. Ithurts. It can eventually kill you, but if it doesn’t, it’s the most blissful fucking high ever, sweetheart. I’d do anything for a hit like that, but you know what I can’t survive? You leaving me again. I just want you to know that. I’ll trust you because that’s what you ask of me. But if you go…” I wrap my arms around her again, pulling her into my lap. “I won’t survive that.”
Her hand goes up again, this time to my hair. She strokes the sweat-dampened strands.
And then, in a voice so soft and gentle, I barely recognize it as Haven’s, she whispers, “Oh, Connor… where else would I go now?”
TWENTY-FOUR
DOLL
HAVEN
So. There we have it. No matter what, there’s no returning to the Haven Smith I was before I was taken. I’m not a virginal Offering any longer. According to Connor, I’m a bride, and I… I’ve given up fighting that part.
I won’t say that I didn’t want to fuck him. I did. I think I always did, I just couldn’t let myself admit that while I was still playing the part of the good girl. The Order brainwashed me enough that I couldn’t see what it was that I wanted until my deranged captive made it so that he wasallI could see.
Now I wear his ring on my finger. He has a matching one on his, and when I asked him about that, he just grinned and said that it was only right that he lets the whole fucking world know that he’s taken.
Especially since he’s given me express permission to take him whenever I want…
The first time Connor made it clear that we would inevitably be intimate, I really believed he was truly insane. After what happened to me… I doubted I would be in the right headspace to ever want to be that close to another person. To touch themlike that? To let them touch me? I had silent panic attacks for months—and then Connor did the one thing that helped ease me into becoming intimate withhim.
He gave me control. Complete control.
And, sure, he tempted me with his body first. I still don’t know if he knew what would happen when he went into my bathroom to masturbate that day, but from the moment I got my first look at him working his cock while panting my name… I think I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist him forever.
We’re married now, right? Connor’s assured me that even Jack accepts that fact now. I didn’thaveto consummate our marriage to seal the deal, but I… I wanted to.
And I did.
That was a week ago. Six months into living with Connor, I finally did what he boasted that I would: I married him and I fucked him, and somewhere along the way, I’ve fallen for him.
Is it Stockholm syndrome? Probably. I don’t even know if that’s real, but it takes a stronger person than I am to live in close quarters with such a gorgeous creature—who, yes, is possessive and unhinged and unpredictable—who worships you, who takes care of you, who anticipates your every need and makes sure you want for nothing andnotdevelop a bond with him.
