My relationship with Wolfe was different from any other date or hookup or situationship I’d had in my life. And his transparency and point-blank assertions wererefreshing. There was no bullshit. No riddles. Just raw data. “What kind of future do you see for yourself?”
His eyebrows furrowed at the question. “Alive—hopefully.”
“I mean, where do you see yourself in five years?”
“Is this a job interview?” he barked. “If there’s something you want to know, just ask.”
“I just don’t want to give you the wrong idea of why I’m asking the question.”
“Ask your question first, and then clarify your intentions afterward,” he said. “This is why I always shoot straight for the hip—to avoid wasting time like this.”
“It’s delicate?—”
“Ask your question?—”
“Do you see yourself getting married someday?”
He stilled then stared.
“I’m not asking because I want to get married or anything… I’m just wondering.”
“Marriage is not something I’ve ever thought about—not once.” Like the question didn’t bother him or make him lose his appetite, he put a few ravioli in his mouth and chewed. When he was finished, he spoke again. “I’venever cared or respected the institution. I’m not religious, and up until now, I’ve never been monogamous. It’s not exactly my vibe. Instead of standing in a church before God and exchanging vows under the oversight of a priest, I’d rather swear a blood oath to a woman in the presence of the devil. Cut my palm with a knife, and with the blood dripping from my fingertips, pledge my loyalty, my protection, and my blood lust for as long as I live. Worship her like a muse in a cult.”
I listened to all that with a slight guard, intimidated by his intensity and his imagery. “Then you do believe in marriage… It just looks different to you than it does to everyone else.”
“Perhaps.” He continued to eat. “What about you?”
“I believe in God.”
“I meant about marriage.”
“Do I want to get married someday?”
“Yes.” He grabbed a piece of bread and ate it.
“Of course I do.” I didn’t want to shy away from that fact. I wasn’t sure if Wolfe would be my husband someday. What we had was passionate and real and intense, but was he someone who could settle down and be a husband and a father? I wasn’t sure. He told me if I ever married him, he would never let me go, hunt me to theends of the earth if I ever tried to run, would refuse a divorce if I asked for it, so I wasn’t sure if that was a smart choice anyway. “I think I already know the answer to this, but do you think about having children?”
He shook his head. “Hasn’t crossed my mind once.”
I didn’t press him on it, finding it hard to imagine him as a father. His life was so big and grand and adventurous, and being home and playing blocks on the floor just didn’t seem like something he could do.
He stared at me. “But just because I haven’t thought about it, doesn’t mean I won’t think about it in the future.”
I lifted my eyes from my food and looked at him.
“Are children something you want?”
“Yes.” Family wasn’t perfect. It was messy, complicated, and sometimes downright painful. But I didn’t know where I’d be without my father and brother.
He gave a slow nod. “Then I’ll start thinking about it.”
I was suddenly aware of my pulse in my neck—and aware of the moment when it skipped. I made no assumptions when it came to Wolfe, but he somehow managed to surpass expectations I didn’t have in the first place. “I didn’t ask these questions to start a serious conversation that we’re nowhere near having. I just?—”
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Don’t backpedal. Don’t be afraid to say what you want. You want to get married and have children, and if a man can’t give that to you, then fuck him. You only have so much time to have children, so don’t waste that youth on a man who’s just going to suck you dry and leave nothing left.”
