My lungs shrieked with my sharp intake.
Her eyes drifted shut, causing a tear to be shed, a disaster that seemed too much to bear with how her voice suddenly shook. “I’m so grateful he found us in the end.” An audible cry escaped her. “At the end.” As if too ashamed to speak on, her eyes opened and looked at me.
I understood some of this. “So, my dad was there for my birth?”
She nodded. Again, shame so thick I could barely breathe.
Soul constricted, I still managed, “Did she want him there?”
Noma rested her elbows on her knees and laced her hands together. Fingers clutching each other, she nodded. “With everything in her being.”
I jerked back. “Why did you keep them apart?”
As her head fell forward and tears fell to her arms, I understood why the library had hours of operation. Not every second of the day offered the space needed to rehash such painful times.
I rushed to the woman I adored.
Quickly, I sat next to her and put my arms around her shaking form. “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t lean into me. I think she was stuck in an agony that was blanketed with death. “Maddox, I’m the one who is sorry. For many things. I’m sorry that I viewed a betrayal to be enough to make bad decisions.”
I lay my head on top of hers. “You may know me better than anyone, but the same goes for me. I know your heart. It beats with honesty. It beats with the best of intentions. Always.”
Her head lifted to see me. Shock all over her wet face. “You are so beyond your years, baby boy.”
“See? That’s because of your heart.”
After a pause, staring at me, she wiped tears away. “Can I ask for a promise from you?”
I was learning to recognize when the library doors were closing. “I think so.”
Noma adjusted herself on the couch to face me. “Can you promise to try very hard not to let grudges own you?”
My jaw ticked. This subject had its own closing library doors. “Like who killed my dad.”
She grabbed my hands. “If you poke at a bee’s nest, what happens?”
Rolling my eyes, I pulled my hands away. “I went from beyond my years to a school child?”
Noma got up from the couch in a rush and stood in front of the coffee table, holding her stomach. “I have been eaten alive by guilt, shame, and the need for righteousness when it never mattered. Don’t you understand?” When I didn’t answer, she stomped her foot. “What will, when you’re older and no longer under my roof, it serve to find men that wronged you?”
I got up, too. “They took from me!”
She threw her hands into the air. Then yelled, “How do you know Lennox didn’t take from them first?”
That made me stop. “Did he?”
“I have no idea! That’s my point! Nor do you!”
I wanted to explode but wasn’t even sure why now. “Well… Well… Fuck!” I plopped back onto the couch that creaked under my weight.
Racing to my side, she sat too, grabbing my face. “Be wise. Think first. React when you’re sure it’s what you want. Every action causes a reaction. Be sure that’s the best for you and those you watch over.”
Blink. Blink. “Watch over?”
Her hands dropped from me and her shoulders caved. “I’m no fool. As much as I wish it weren’t so, I know you will have a club someday.” She huffed. “It’s in your DNA, baby boy.”
I felt my chest grow with pride. She knew me well. My own club? That felt right.
