And we did.
Her hum of appreciation matched my moan, a mixture of nostalgia, sorrow, and appreciation for the woman who tirelessly prepared meals from scratch for her sinner. And when a single tear managed to slip over one of my cheeks, Blue only made one comment.
“Sometimes, I think, it’s all right to let the tears fall. They don’t mean we’re weak, Johnny. They just mean we have a heart.”
I nearly choked on my bite, but swallowed and gave her a nod as I reached for the glass of water in front of me. Chugging the contents to wash down so much more than the food, I realized Blue was a truly beautiful and sweet soul. Despite all she’d gone through, she still chose to live in the light instead of darkness. Still embraced every bit of good she could find rather than let all the horror and damage of her past push her down and cower.
It made me think of Noma, and yes, even the girl I met in the ocean, figment of my imagination or not. Harmony. Sarah. All little bits of light sent into Johnny’s dark world to penetrate the shield of hate that festered around my heart. I sucked in a breath and dipped my chin briefly to acknowledge them and then finished my lasagna.
I savored every single bite and even scraped the inside of the container with my finger so I didn’t waste any delicious sauce. Noma would have laughed at my thorough consumption. A growing weed.
Blue took our empty dishes to the sink and washed them, placing them aside to dry. I followed her up the stairs, curious when she turned toward me and smiled. “Thank you for sharing Noma’s lasagna with me, Johnny. It’s the most special night I’ve had in a long time. Maybe ever.”
I wondered if it was the nightmares that brought her to the gazebo tonight. Or maybe every night for her before she came here was the same, real or in her dreams, full of monsters she couldn’t escape.
“I’m glad, Blue.”
After saying good night to Blue at her bedroom door, I headed up my stairs and almost had a heart attack seeing Seb sitting on my bed, waiting for me. “Jesus, dude!” I whispered loudly while grasping my chest.
Hands clasped in his lap, his thumbs tapped together. “S-sorry, just n-n-need to know w-what you think.” He peered up with a worry that struck me in the gut. “Sh-she okay?”
Unable to take my eyes off him, I took a seat next to him. “Being away from where she was certainly helps.” I offered support by gently shaking a shoulder. “Hey, she is?—”
“I k-kissed her.”
What should’ve been fun did not cause Seb to smile. More like he struggled to breathe.
I winced. “Didn’t go so good?”
“Oh.” He shook his head and finally smirked. “It w-was g-great.” Then his devilish smile faded into a grimace. “Until sh-she d-dropped to her kn-knees.”
I hadn’t realized how much I was hoping to have misunderstood Blue until hearing this. Sweet little Blue, having been forced to?—
“One s-sweet little kiss to—to—” Seb stood. Faced me. Then gestured to his crotch as if she offered him a blow job.
“Dude,” I tried, “I’m so sorry?—”
Seb started pacing. “I kn-know. She s-seemed so sh-shocked when I r-refused, helping her b-back to her feet. I m-mean—” He stopped, and his shoulders rose as he exposed his palms. “T-turning down a b-blow job was n-never high on m-my to-do l-list.”
Nodding, I agreed. “Didn’t even know we were capable of such a thing. But—” I cringed.
Holding his stomach, he said, “I kn-know.” Then begged, “D-did she s-say anything t-to you about w-who he is?”
I exhaled due to feeling so out of my realm of knowledge. “I’ve made some promises I can’t speak about, but what I can say is Noma had talked to me a little about some people hiding behind the ‘cloth’.”
“You t-talkin’ ch-church shit?”
It felt wrong to assume all churchgoers were bad, so I confirmed all that I knew. “Some.”
He plopped back on the bed, stunned. “B-but she’s so… y-young.”
“Yeah, I really don’t have any experience with this. The men I knew always had women on the back of their—” Fuck. That was Maddox’s past. Not Johnny’s.
“B-back of their w-what?” As Blue had earlier, Seb made a huge O with his mouth. “Oh m-my God, you’ve n-never s-s-spoke of m-motorcycles.”
“No, I meant?—”
Even though his heart was as deep as the ocean, boys were boys. He shot to his feet. “Th-this is s-so cool! I’ve always w-wanted a?—”
