It wasn’t his gay interaction that was concerning. I held no judgment about who he was attracted to. It was how his action was unwarranted. In the silence that was swallowing me, we both stood there, staring at each other, confusion trying to surface and scream the true cause. I believe this happens to many who have been abused. Groomed to react in certain ways to benefit the abuser. Meanwhile, the victim is left with false readings. False emotions because they weren’t given the chance to learn their feelings naturally amongst other innocent peers.
I’m not sure how, at such a young age, I said what I said next, but I opened my arms, willing to correct the course. “Can I be your friend?”
As Gage had fallen into Dale, Finn fell into me. “Please.” His body jolted through a sob while he held me with a desperation I knew he wished didn’t exist. Then he whispered, “I’ve never had one before.”
Over his shoulder, I looked to the empty bed, wondering what his ex-roommate had been to him. My jaw locked. The injustice to some who live in this world…
What can I do for you, my friend?
Thinking of the comfort water gave me, I closed my arms around my friend to promise shelter. Understanding… what an opportunity to see the truth. As I had with Ethan, I vowed, “You are now my brother.” I tightened my embrace and promise. Daring anyone to hurt him again, I growled, “Do you hear me?”
His weight sank into me, almost like a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you.”
Not as a lover but a soulmate of a different kind, I kissed his red hair. “I’m not. Look where it took us.”
Against my shoulder, he nodded, repeating earlier words. “Where I belong.”
Some took more time than others, but as I learned each foster’s backstory, I sensed I wanted to be a part of all their future ones.
Again, my revenge list grew.
Tallulah never asked what happened between Finn and me. Again, her wisdom knew no bounds when she saw us become close to best friends overnight. Then, the inevitable happened. Way too soon, she was off to college, leaving a changed young man in her wake. We didn’t try a long-distance relationship. She knew who I was. Her not by my side was not my style.
Was I the jealous type? Nah. My ego was well aware of who had that smile plastered to her gorgeous face. The truth was, I understood death and how fast it could happen. Whoever was mine had to be within reach so I could keep them alive. Or kill whoever touched them. Plus, Tallulah and I both understood that what we were meant to get from each other had been accomplished.
Now, stronger souls through conversations and shared moments, we said goodbye with hearts that were so grateful for each day we had together.
I even wondered if I would ever find a girlfriend I could possibly treasure more.
Finn, also a senior, graduated with two college baseball offers. With Dale’s help, Finn made a choice and planned to stay and, with a full ride, attend a California school.?2
In the midst of his celebration, another brother was being tested. The summer had promised good times, but before it really got started, we had to endure another goodbye. One that would rattle us all.
I had yet to completely learn Sebastian’s story, but it didn’t seem to matter. How he cared for Blue was all that was seen. When she was near him, his smile announced how complete he felt. That’s why when she ran to him in the living room, crying, he hugged her before even asking what was wrong. Her breath was linked with his. And once it returned, he lifted her chin to stare into those sapphire eyes. “T-talk to m-me, Blue?”
Under Sarah’s wing, Blue had become stronger. Independent, even. However, she was torn when learning her mother got approval from the courts for her daughter to return home. “I miss her.”
Somehow knowing who Blue was referring to, Seb studied her while nodding. “I know.”
From behind her, a solemn Dale and Harmony entered the living room. Their body language screamed of regret and preparation for a bit of a battle. I glared to let them know I understood that’s exactly what they were going to get if this was headed in the direction I suspected.
No longer wearing church clothing anymore but a pair of jeans, Blue wiped under her nose, peering up to Seb. “Now I will miss you.”
It was visible how the air was sucked from his lungs. He almost swayed on his feet, now looking over her head to his foster parents. He whispered, “N-no.”
Harmony covered her mouth, tears forming. She was an adult but no fool. These young souls were connected beyond their young years.
Dale’s sad eyes raced to me, preparing for what was building inside. Blue was going to be a Junior in high school soon, yet would no longer walk the halls of school with us. Her mother lived two counties away. And this was going to break my brother’s heart.
Through my nostrils, I drew in a breath, begging my mouth to stay shut.
Blue had been shattered and battered when she came to us that first night, so how was it possible she was now being sent back? That’s what Sebastian’s eyes asked when he looked at me for help.
Seb’s pain echoed through me, and had me yelling, “The judge is wrong!” to Dale.
Dale tried to reason with me, explaining, “Her mom loves her, Johnny. She has fought hard to get her daughter back…”
Blue’s mother had won a battle against drugs, and in the eyes of social services, she earned the right to have her child back in her home.
