He was back.
“Where were you?” his sister said, rubbing her eyes sleepily with one hand while the other played with Rutledge’s tie. It was Bee, Shawn decided. Rutledge seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for Bee, though it was strange that Rutledge was tolerating this even from Bee.
That was, until Shawn studied Rutledge’s face. Even in the dim light of the lamp, his face looked uncharacteristically unguarded and tired.
“I was visiting my family,” Rutledge murmured.
Bee sucked on her thumb. “I remember your family. Your dad didn’t like us very much.”
A strange look crossed Rutledge’s face. He said nothing.
“Shawn said you’re getting a new family.”
Rutledge stiffened. “Did he?”
Bee nodded. “He was very sad.”
Shawn felt himself flush. Did she have to tell him that?
Rutledge had an odd expression on his face. “Was he?” he murmured.
“I was sad, too,” Bee said. “I don’t understand.Why do you want a new family? You have us.”
Kids, Shawn thought, biting his lip. They had no fear. In some ways, kids were braver than adults.
Rutledge opened his mouth and then closed it. It was the first time Shawn had seen him at a loss for words. Rutledge’s throat convulsed before he told Bee, “Don’t worry, I won’t be getting a new family.”
Shawn breathed out.
“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep, midget?”
Bee studied Rutledge seriously with her big blue eyes. “You’re sad, too. Something bad happened?”
A humorless smile twisted Rutledge’s lips. “You could say that.”
“When I’m sad, Shawn hugs me and I don’t feel so sad anymore. You want a hug?”
Shawn expected Rutledge to reject the offer with a sneer.
He didn’t. He said nothing.
Taking his silence as a yes, Bee stood up and put her short arms around Rutledge’s neck. Rutledge had to steady her.
Shawn stared at Rutledge’s big hands on his little sister’s back and then at his blank, stoic face.
Quietly, he closed the door and padded back to the bed.
About twenty minutes passed before he heard the door open again. There was a rustle of clothing before the mattress dipped under Rutledge’s weight and he slid under the covers next to Shawn.
The speed with which Shawn latched onto him would have been embarrassing if Shawn could bringhimself to care; he didn’t. He just needed to kiss him. Needed to touch him. So he kissed him and Rutledge kissed him back just as hungrily, his lips urgent, almost desperate.
Shawn wasn’t sure how many minutes they spent kissing—it felt like hours and seconds at the same time.
When they finally stopped kissing to breathe, Shawn was warm from head to toe. Hooking his leg over Rutledge’s hip, he put his head on his chest. Rutledge’s heart was beating under his ear, strong and fast.
For a long while, there was only companionable silence.
“He died, didn’t he?” Shawn whispered at last.
