I remained in the stall with Titus as Jerry went out to meet my brother, and I hurriedly tried to calm my own breathing. Alasdair permitted Jerry and I to be alone together only because it had never crossed his mind that there was anything other than friendship between us. He could suspect nothing if either of us wanted to be allowed to continue our afternoons in my spell room.
“Aye, Morna is in with Titus. What is it?”
Leaning around Titus’ large back end, I smiled and raised a hand in greeting to my brother as he called to me.
“Come here, lass. Anything that has to do with magic we must discuss where none can hear.”
Once I made my way out into the center of the stables to stand with them, my brother excitedly gave us his news.
“I’ve heard news of a clan—they lay so far north that I could find none that have ever actually met them—but stories of their druid have traveled throughout Scotland for decades. I’ve learned that this man is known to train those with magic. I believe we should go in search of him. Surely, if he was to see what natural power ye possess, he would help ye.”
I would gladly take any teaching I could get, but there was no way Father would allow me to leave here, and Alasdair would never leave Elspeth and Eoin for such a long journey. Only one of us could go—Jerry.
Without hesitation, Jerry began to ready a horse, questioning my brother as he did so.
“Aye, o’course we should find him. Do ye know precisely where they lay? I’ve traveled most of Scotland and have never heard of such a clan.”
Pulling a piece of weathered parchment from the waist of his kilt, Alasdair extended it toward Jerry. I watched as he stared at it intensely for a long moment.
“’Twill take me months to travel there and back. We best all hope that such a long journey is successful.”
Alasdair nodded, and panic rose inside me. Everything was happening too fast. Jerry couldn’t leave. Not now. Not for two months or more.
“Is there such urgency that ye must leave now? Should we not discuss it further?”
“Discuss what, lass? Ye know as well as I, ye’ve only a few of Grier’s journals left. If ye canna find the spell on yer own, we must get help.”
Alasdair interrupted, and I struggled to hold back tears.
“Doona worry about Father, Jerry. I’ll make an excuse for ye that he willna question. Be careful and return to us as quickly as ye can.”
Desperate to have him stay, I ran to the horse as he mounted, grabbing onto his leg.
“What will ye do for food? Ye should at least wait to have Mary prepare provisions for ye.”
He smiled and leaned down to rest his hand on my shoulder.
“I survived for months without Mary’s meals. I shall be fine.”
Bending so that Alasdair couldn’t hear him, he whispered, “Lass, if ye care at all for Seumas, marry him, for I canna promise ye that I will return. Should this druid have the means to send me home, I shall beg him to do it, and then I will send him to ye to train ye. If more than two months pass without my return, doona expect to see me again.”
I thought I saw tears fill his eyes, but he tore quickly away from me, nudging his horse as he called a farewell to Alasdair.
The moment both Jerry and Alasdair were gone from the stables, I dropped to the floor and wept.
Chapter 19
Father found me crying in Elspeth’s garden after returning from his daily ride. I didn’t visit my spell room after Jerry left, and I spent the rest of the day avoiding everyone, content to wallow in my own self-pity.
How could he leave so easily? And his words made it plain enough that he had no intention of returning here. The sudden nature of his departure reminded me so much of Grier’s banishment that old feelings of loss and abandonment dredged their way up, leaving me totally miserable.
Father joined me on the ground next to the roses without a word. Unable to acknowledge his own emotions about anything, he hadn’t any idea how to deal with emotions that didn’t belong to him.
Uncomfortable with the silence, I brushed a tear from my eye and looked up at him.
“Do ye need something, Father? I’ll not be good company for ye tonight.”
In a show of affection so strange I had to resist the urge to pull away from him, Father took my hand and gathered it between his palms.
