“First,” he paused and pulled away to look down at me, “we must discuss Henry.”
I felt guilty that he’d not crossed my mind before now.
“O’course. He must be dreadfully upset to have found him.”
“’Twas a terrible shock for him, though ’tis not what I meant.”
By the way Alasdair stared at me, I could see that he knew.
“I canna marry him.”
With understanding in his gaze, he nodded. “I know, lass. Elspeth told me how she found ye this morning. Ye love him, aye? I could see it in yer eyes when ye learned he’d returned.”
“Are ye angry?”
He looked confused. “Why would I be angry with ye? Jerry is a good man. If ye love him, ’tis all that matters to me.”
I couldn’t deny the relief I felt. Every problem Jerry and I struggled with last night was now gone. All we needed to worry about was finding a way to break my engagement to Henry. Would I take every problem back to have Father alive and well again? Of course, but that could never be.
“I do love him. Might we stay here at the castle once we are wed?”
“’Twould break my heart if ye left. Though I think it best if ye keep yer distance from Jerry until after Father’s burial. Henry will insist on remaining here until then. We will speak to Henry together after that.”
It wasn’t Alasdair’s duty to end things between Henry and me.
“I shall speak to him alone, but I will wait until afterwards.” I couldn’t bring myself to say burial.
Alasdair smiled in spite of his tears. “Morna, I have only one request if ye intend to live here.”
There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. “Anything.”
“In time, ye must return to yer magic. I shall make Conall territory a place that is safe for ye to practice openly. Ye canna continue to deny who ye are.”
It seemed improper to feel such relief. I was free to marry Jerry, free to live in the home I knew and loved, free to learn and practice magic without fear of punishment. Why did the moment everything seemed to be falling into place have to be shared with such deep grief?
Chapter 30
We waited three days to bury Father. I spent most of that time alone, crying and working through feelings I didn’t know I had for him. By the time it came for everyone to gather, I no longer had tears to shed.
Henry checked on me every day, but the state of my grief made him so uncomfortable that it never took much for me to get him to leave. Jerry kept his distance entirely, but I knew it wasn’t his choice to do so. Alasdair had spoken to him and asked him to stay away until everything was settled with Henry.
When I saw him standing with Mary and Kip at Father’s burial site, he looked terrible, as if he hadn’t slept in days. It was the first thing I said to him.
“Are ye ill, Jerry?”
He wanted to reach for me, and I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms, but Henry stood only steps away.
Whether he was too tired or too emotional to censor his words, I didn’t know, but Mary and Kip’s presence did nothing to prevent him from answering honestly.
“I canna sleep knowing I’m not there to comfort ye. Ye shouldna be alone in yer grief. I want to help ye, to hold ye, to let ye know that yer pain willna always be so great.”
Mary’s mouth fell visibly open, and she leaned over to whisper in my ear.
“I doona care if Henry sees ye. If ye doona hug that lad right now, I’ll do it meself.”
* * *
Alasdair, Elspeth, and Eoin still hadn’t come down from the castle so I stood mingling with all the villagers, accepting their condolences and being smothered by hugs until Mary pulled me away from the crowd.
