The thought of Grier’s spells directing Eoin in any form filled me with unease. There was a time I would’ve trusted her with my life. Now, I felt suspicious of everything she said.
“What are ye doing here, Grier? Why, after all this time, have ye returned?”
“Come now, Morna. Ye must know.”
I truly didn’t. So little of it made sense.
I shook my head and awaited further explanation. She looked at me expectantly but quickly grew frustrated and threw up her hands in exasperation.
“’Tis all for ye, lass. Doona ye remember the spell we cast our last day together? Jerry is the man I saw in yer future.”
She said it so casually as if it explained everything.
“Aye, I’ve known that for some time. Why then did ye keep him away from me for a year, all the while lying to him about yer ability to help him? Why did ye allow him to believe ye were dead? How did ye survive the fire, and where did ye go during that time?”
An unidentifiable expression passed over Grier’s face. Distant, shaken, lonely, and most especially, embarrassed. She looked lost and unsure and very unlike herself.
By bringing up all the questions surrounding her strange behavior, I’d triggered memories she’d rather leave forgotten.
She could see by the directness of my gaze that she had little choice, and the sigh she released said so much more about her true age than her appearance ever would.
“Ye’ve never known what ’tis like to be truly alone, Morna. I hope ye never do. Loneliness is a slow sickness. At first painless, it eats away at ye little by little. When it starts, ye doona even realize it will change ye, but over time—over days, months, and years of having no one to love—ye change, and the person ye once were no longer exists. Ye become the pain ye hold inside ye.
“I wasna lonely the day I cast Jerry for ye, but I was an empty shell by the day he arrived in our time. I lived a full life here at Conall Castle with ye, yer grandmother, and Alasdair. Your father took everything from me the day he sent me away. For years I had nothing and no one. I dinna realize at first, lass, I truly dinna. I’d not thought of our spell in so long that when I first met Jerry, I dinna know who he was.
“When I realized, I told myself every day that I would tell him the truth, that I would bring him to ye and allow him to either live the life he was meant to with ye or send him home as he wished. But I enjoyed his company too much, and over time, the lie became too big.
“’Twas only when that bastard Creedrich set flame to our home that I saw my opportunity to free myself of Jerry. If he thought me dead, fate would see that he found ye, and it did.”
She looked as sad and weary as I felt, as if all the tears she possessed had already been shed. My heart ached for her, but her story still left one blaringly large question unanswered.
“I canna tell ye how sorry I am for what my father did to ye. I missed ye for years after ye left. More than once, I thought about running away and searching for ye. But there is still one question I must ask. Forgive me if it sounds callous. If ye meant to free Jerry from ye, why are ye here now?”
“To seek forgiveness for the pain I caused him and for the time I took from the both of ye. I just need to speak to him one last time, and then I’ll leave the two of ye be.”
A voice deep inside me suspected the lie for what it was, but it was not my right to deny Jerry the chance to speak with her. I would have to let her see him regardless of the dread that settled in the center of my chest.
“He’s in the village. He stays in the cottage that was once yer own. I will go and get him. Wait for him there.”
Perhaps it was the wind, but I thought I heard her laughing as I walked away.
Chapter 32
Jerry
* * *
Grier’s arrival at Conall Castle didn’t surprise me. I knew the day I learned she still lived that I would see her again, and I spent the days and months leading up to her return reflecting on my time spent with her. I said nothing to Morna, not because I wished to keep the events of that time from her, but because I saw no need to burden her with emotions that were not hers to work through. She was so much like her brother—they both felt the need to carry the pain of others.
Falling in love with Morna taught me much. Sure, I’d fancied a few lassies back in my own time, bedded more than my fair share, but I’d never loved another outside of the love one has for family or the platonic love one has for friends.
The moment I realized the depth of my feelings for Morna was the moment I could see something I should’ve seen from the start—Grier was in love with me. While my affection for her had been true, she’d only ever been my friend, but that had never been her feelings for me.
I’d not seen it at the time. It was clear to me now. Knowing the truth of Grier’s affections allowed me to forgive the year of my life she stole from me.
After all, had it been I that held the key to sending Morna away from me, I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t have lied, as well. In truth, I knew I would’ve. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep her close to me.
What frightened me was the thought that perhaps Grier felt the same way—that she might still be willing to do anything to keep me close. The power of Morna’s magic was pure. Everything she did or sought to do was from a place of love.
