Ravi
“So,where do you think you’re going to go?”Michael glances at me from the driver’s seat of his swanky Volvo, which I have to admit I love riding in even though it’s got leather seats.
They’re heated.Which is nice, because I’m feeling awfully chilly for a Florida fall morning.
“It’s a good question,” I say as I stare out the window.I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Belle Argo like this, with all the pretty buildings downtown as the sun paints the sky baby blue and tangerine as the town wakes up.
I hate how beautiful it looks when I’m bleeding inside, but it also feels like something sacred.
Not that I haven’t been out at this hour before, coming home from a party that ran late or something.But I don’t think I ever really took the time to appreciate it.The beauty of the lightening sky, the day laid out before me with absolutely no plans.It’s almost as if I’m seeing Belle Argo for the first time.
My dad loved to paint sunsets.I know why.They’re pretty.I’m realizing now, though, the sun rising is something really special.
After I’ve been silent for a while, Michael chuckles.“Still thinking it over?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for over a year.Closer to two, now.”My birthday isn’t too far off.Not that I’m looking forward to it.
Another year of being alone?Of not getting what I want?No, thank you.
“But it was all this huge ball of ifs, you know?It was if I can make Liam see me as an adult, and then it was if I can’t have him, I’ll leave.If I get enough money.Brennan sent me a text yesterday to confirm the wire transfer into my bank account.I keep staring at the number.I’ve never had that kind of money in my life.Never even imagined it.Now that I have it, I’m not sure what to do.”
“Move some into high-yield savings,” Michael says.“Multiple accounts so you don’t exceed the amount each one is insured for.Keep what you need for a few months of cushion in your checking account.The rest in an index fund.That’d be my suggestion.”
In spite of how raw I feel, my lips pull into a smile.“Thanks.Really.”
He gives me an almost-smile.“I’m guessing you weren’t talking about your financial plan, though.”
“Not really, but what you said was helpful.Thanks.”
“You know you can always call me, right?”Michael gives me a friendly pat on the shoulder.“It would be nice to hear your voice, Rav.We’ve all grown pretty fond of you.”
That opens my tired eyes wider.They’re burning again.“You have?”
Why is it that the first time I feel like someone cares about me is when I’m all set to go?It makes my stomach hurt.
Michael makes a sort ofpsshtsound.“Why the hell wouldn’t we?”
I shrug.“Just never was really good at making friends.I was too annoying.Too much of a goody-goody.Too whatever.Then I’d think I’d made friends, only to have them turn on me or ghost me without telling me why.”
“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but every person in our little group is a little ‘too whatever.’”
My smile stretches enough to make my lips hurt.“Fair point.”
Maybe things were never meant to work out with Liam, but at least in the end I made some friends.
So why are you leaving?
Because I can’t stay.I just can’t.Not when Liam is so close.Already, it feels like there’s a jagged shard of glass lodged in my chest.I feel like if I stay, I’ll keep bleeding until I die.Slowly.
When we pull down the block from Gil’s, where I left my car (why does it seem like ages ago?), I’m surprised to see an entire group of escorts clustered along the sidewalk.
“Is this…” I can’t finish.My throat closes up.
“The entire brunch crowd.Except Dean.His daughter has a fever, but he said to wish you well on his behalf.”There’s a flash of something I can’t read that passes across his face, but before I can ask, he smiles again.“Come on.Everyone wanted to say goodbye.”
The tears in my eyes spill over.I can’t even stop them.
When I get out of the car, I’m shaky.All the anger and adrenaline running through me when I did what I did with Liam has drained away, leaving me exhausted.Seeing everyone here… Well, I don’t know what to do with that.
