“Thank you,” Mazin said, closing the door behind him.
Then Maz turned to me. “I can go, give you the room. I’m happy downstairs anyway, I can monitor the storm and be ready when it’s time to leave.”
“Maz, we’ve shared a room before,” I scoffed. “In fact, we’ve shared much more than that.” I raised a brow, there was no point in skirting around the obvious now. “And you are soaked. At least get changed and eat something. No one is traveling and it looks like the storm is going to go all night. And you certainly can’t sit out thereall night.”
He let out a heavy breath and still seemed uncertain.
“What’s wrong, you think I’m going to kill you in your sleep?”
Maz looked up, a wry smile in the corner of his mouth. “The thought had crossed my mind.”
“By all means, go sit in the dining hall if you’re scared.”
That dimple came out again, and I caught my breath.
“I never said I was scared of you, Dani. Maybe Iwantyou to try to kill me.”
“I can’t tell if you’re flirting by asking me to kill you or not.”
The smile faded from his lips. He walked toward the fire, his back to me, his sherwani already beginning to dry in the warmth of the room. I wasn’t cold anymore, not nearly as much as I had been, but my cotton kurta was still soaking wet against my skin.
“When you were arrested,” he said suddenly, “when I persuaded Vahid to throw you in prison, I thought it was the safest place for you while I tried to figure something out. I knew you wanted me to fight—but I couldn’t leave her. I told my mother I’d protect Anam. I swore to her I would.” His voice broke, and he raked a hand through his hair.
“I understand,” I said, coming up behind him. “More than you know.” I thought of Noor, whom I’d only known a short time, but whom I had forged such a strong bond with that it was unimaginableto abandon her. And Anam and Maz only had each other. I understood, but it hurt more than I wanted it to.
“I still hoped you would fight with me. That you would fightforme. And I was devastated when you didn’t. Why didn’t you tell me about your plans to overthrow Vahid?”
He turned to me, his eyes stark. “Dani, I’ve seen Vahid torture people with zoraat to obtain information from them. I didn’t want to put you in that position. I thought that if I could mobilize against Vahid with the north, then we’d have a chance at real change. But then the warlord died, they arrested you and killed your father—all my plans crumbled. And the only thing I could think about was surviving, keeping Anam safe and breaking you out. But the prison warden made freeing you nearly impossible. I tried everything, every method of bribery, every possible way I could. I even laid the groundwork for your escape until…”
I was scared to ask anything, scared to speak, because as much as I wanted to hear this story, it felt like pouring salt on a fresh knife wound. I wanted to know, and yet I didn’t. I wanted to bury my vengeance and anger and yet it was still part of me, tattooed on my hands for all to see.
But Ineededto hear what he had to say.
For me, for us. I needed to see if I could close this hole in my heart, to see if it was done between us.
Or if he was still mine and I was still his.
“Dani, I love you.”
“Until?” I prompted.
“Until you showed up, looking like someone else, asking after your father’s knives. But the way you spoke, your gestures, even the way you bit your bottom lip—it wasyou. It seemed impossible. For all I knew you were still in prison, still locked away while I was going out of my mind. When I spoke to Sanaya and felt…” He trailed away, looking at the flames. They danced off the planes of his face, his cheekbones high and proud, eyes fathomless depths. A scar curled over one eyebrow that I didn’t recognize, and it made me rememberthat he’d lived a life while I’d been in prison. He’d been given scars I didn’t know about either.
He raked his hands through his hair again. “I thought I was going mad,” he whispered. “Every time we spoke, it felt like I’d finally snapped. I was imagining you in someone else… I thought it was my mind trying to cope with what I’d done. We even got word of a sighting of you in your village, and I sent soldiers to investigate. I wrote to the prison, demanding to see you, but the warden wouldn’t agree. She said nothing of your escape. I know now she likely didn’t want the emperor to know that two very important prisoners had broken out of her supposedly impenetrable jail.” He lifted his head, moving closer to me, and my heart hammered in my chest.
“But then I touched your hands. And Iknew. I felt the scars I’d given you, felt the memories we’d lived together.” He took another step, until he was inches away and the heat from his body was like the fire itself. My fingers flexed, wanting to reach for him, but I kept them pressed to my side. After everything, could I fall into this again?
Or maybe I’d already fallen, I just didn’t want to climb back out.
“Maz…”
“Did you think I wouldn’t know you? I’d know you with any face. Any skin. Any hair. A thousand djinn could disguise you from me and I’d still be able to find you just by the sound of your breath.”
I exhaled, the space between us so small he could likely feel it on his cheek.
“Tell me you can never forgive me, and I’ll go. Tell me you hate me and I won’t bother you again.”
My body swayed toward his, my skin knowing my answer before I could say it out loud.
