He looked up from his paratha, pausing before taking a bite. Thesun made his eyes appear golden. I scowled at the direction of my thoughts, and his lips lifted at my expression.
“I can tell you really want to know about my childhood.” He took another bite of the bread.
“No, but you won’t shut up about it, so I might as well know what you’re talking about.”
“You might as well.” He tilted his head. “My sister and I come from a village in the south, where Emperor Vahid began waging his war against the king with zoraat.” His tone was light, but when I glanced at his knuckles they were white.
He was like that often, I realized.Contained—like a clay matka pot, until the heat from the fire became unbearable and he exploded. He fought like that too, whereas I was the opposite, lashing out, always on the attack. He played the defense far too much, until the last possible moment.
“I didn’t know you had a sister,” I said quietly.
He met my eyes at that. “Yes. Anam was a baby when the emperor came. My mother hung her crib on the branch of a banyan tree and told me to watch Anam while she went to fetch my father. My parents both died in the fighting, killed by the king’s soldiers.” His throat bobbed, and he took another bite. My own throat felt dry, and the paratha in my hand seemed inedible now with his words.
“A hawk flew down and attempted to carry off my sister from the tree. I fought it off, throwing rocks and desert scrub at it while it dove at us. But the bird was huge, nearly as large as me, and its talons sharp. The bird would have carried off Anam and I wouldn’t have been able to save her. But Emperor Vahid himself came upon us as I was trying to protect her. He notched an arrow and struck the hawk through the heart.” Maz laid a finger near the collar of his shirt to where a necklace hung. A single black talon hung from it.
“You took a piece of it.” I nodded at the talon.
“The emperor did. Cut it off and gave it to me. He said I foughtbravely, and he could use someone like that by his side, someone who would defend against those who would prey on him. That’s when he decided to take us in. He saved us.”
He sounded almost reverent.
I snorted and his gaze shot to me. “Emperor Vahid started that war,” I said with vehemence. “The one that killed your parents.” I folded my arms over my chest. “He isn’t your savior.”
“He stopped my sister and me from getting massacred. The king was intent on slaughtering the villages in the south to teach Vahid a lesson. Vahid rescued us.”
I pursed my lips and looked toward the low hills that dotted the horizon, away from the mountains. The arid landscape was dotted with trees and shrubs. A golden jackal ran across the clearing, a pup in its mouth, and made its way to a nearby walnut tree that hung crooked, as if hanging on by its last root. A bird circled above, watching for an opportunity to snatch the pup, the same threat that had sought to take Mazin’s sister.
But Baba always said that hawks were cunning and patient. They would wait until the perfect time before striking.
Mazin and I were both silent until he spoke again. “It’s hard to understand, I know. When my parents were mowed down by the soldiers, hate could have festered in my heart. But Emperor Vahid saved us, took us in, and made sure we didn’t suffer. What else could I do but be thankful? My parents were gone, but we still had each other. I owe the emperor my life and my loyalty.”
I watched him, trying to understand the perspective of a small boy who was just desperate to stay alive, and to stay together with his baby sister. Desperate enough that they would be grateful for anything, even a man who created the very war that killed his family.
Mazin met my eyes, the paratha forgotten in his hands too. But I didn’t know how to respond to the silent plea for understanding, the need for approval that the love he sought from the emperor wasn’t a poison.
“What are you thinking?” he said after a long moment.
I couldn’t say what he wanted me to, but that wasn’t who we were anyway. On the battlefield, being kind wouldn’t lead to victory.
Only slaughter elsewhere.
“I think,” I said, straightening from my perch and dusting myself off, “that you didn’t really save your sister from a hawk that day.”
Twenty
“Well, that was surprising.”
Noor collapsed on my bed as I began removing my jewelry.
“Yes.” I held myself as still as I could, like if I moved I would utterly fall apart.
Then I closed my eyes and allowed everything I had kept at bay wash over me.
The shock at seeing Maz.
The conflict I felt when my eyes met his.
The anger at my father’s swords on display like a trophy in Casildo’s house.
