He nodded, then moved his hand down to clasp mine. “I knew that if I could just get here, if I could just see you, I could hold off on doing anything rash. That we could talk things through andI wouldn’t do something that would endanger Anam. If I attacked Vahid, it wouldn’t be me he would destroy, it would be her. And he knows that. He knows he can control me with my sister. So, I came here.” A rueful smile played on his lips. “Because I knew you would tell me to calm down.”
I watched him, heat rising in my belly. “Didn’t you know I would just tell you to cut out the emperor’s heart?”
He laughed, and the sound lifted my heart higher. “Yes, but you also ground me. When you fight you never act rashly. It’s always calculated, always precise. As if you know what move I’m going to make before I do it. I want to be like that. When I come for Vahid, I want it to be all planned out.” He looked out of my bedroom window, and I followed his gaze.
From this side of the house the torches of the city shone in the far distance. You could almost make out the outline of the city, the towering palace sitting atop the hill. The place where the emperor asserted all his control.
I nodded my head in understanding. “You want justice for your mother.”
“I want retribution.” He tore his gaze from the window. “I want to know my mother didn’t die for nothing, and that her son cared about what happened to her.” He gripped the edge of the bed so hard his fingers were shaking, and I knew that if the emperor were here right now, he might not be able to hold himself back.
And I would help him.
A cat’s cry startled both of us as Jalebi jumped on my bed and began rubbing her dark body against Maz. Maz laughed as he scratched behind her ears and her purring practically shook the whole bed. I was glad for the interruption, it gave me the chance to gather my thoughts, to center myself from the storm that this night had turned out to be.
“Traitor.” I nodded to Jalebi. “She probably wants to sleep next to you.” I felt my face heat at my words, not realizing their implicationsuntil they flew out and were sitting between us.Did I want to sleep next to him too?
But Maz didn’t react to them, instead he scratched her belly, then swatted away her paws when she tried to attack him. He smiled, then closed his eyes as if blocking everything else out. I noticed for the first time how tired he looked, the circles under his eyes like craters in his face.
“I probably should get some sleep. I rode all the way here in a rage and didn’t think of how exhausted I’d be.” He moved to get up. “I’ll go to the main room and lie on the divan.”
“Just sleep here,” I blurted out, thankful he couldn’t see how red my face was turning in the dark. But I’d just kissed his face off, told him I admired his muscles and cared about him, I couldn’t possibly be embarrassed about anything else now.
He hesitated, his eyes darting around the room as if looking for a safe place to land. “Are you sure?”
“Of course. You’ll get more rest here than in the main room. My father wakes at sunup to start at the smith.” I chewed at my bottom lip, not entirely sure what I was suggesting, but just knowing that I didn’t want him to leave.
We’d shared something monumental between us, and I couldn’t go back to sleep on my own knowing he was in the other room, looking up at the ceiling just like me.
Maz looked from the bed to the door.
“It’s fine,” I repeated. “Stop making it strange,” I said with laughter in my voice even though my own pulse was jumping out of my skin. He was watching me with that same wild look he had before, and I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I turned away from him, not daring to meet the intensity of his gaze anymore. Instead, I shuffled to the other side of the bed, moving against the wall to give him room to lie down.
The bed dipped with his weight, and I held my breath so long my lungs were burning in my chest. He adjusted his body under the quilt and lay his head back against the pillow beside me.
My body was completely frozen.
I was too nervous to even breathe, so instead I released my breath in shallow puffs. A huffed laugh touched my hair after Maz settled against my back.
I bristled and turned my head to look at him. “What?”
“It’s like sleeping next to a wooden board.”
Anger spiked my blood and I scowled. “Excuse me,” I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest. “But I’ve never slept next to a boy before.” I moved as close as I possibly could to the edge of the bed to give him more room away from me. “I’ll stay over here.”
“No, don’t do that.” He cleared his throat, and I felt the heat of him behind me, moving closer to me on the bed. Every nerve ending in my body became alive with the knowledge that he was pressed against my back, lying alongside me, the back of my legs pushed against the front of his, his solid chest like a wall behind me, my bottom tucked into the apex of his thighs. When I thought I couldn’t stand the awkward silence any longer, his arm snaked around my waist and his body pressed even closer. I exhaled heavily.
“Is this okay?” His voice was tentative and gruff, and if possible that endeared him to me even more.
I smiled to myself, my heart lighter as I placed my hand over his. “Yes.”
“You can relax now,” he mumbled into my hair, sounding drowsy. “It’s me who should be worried if you sleep with a dagger under your pillow every night.”
The muscles in my body eased as I let go of the uncertainty, even though my heart still pounded in my ears. But now he was next to me, it felt natural. As if we had been doing this all our lives.
“At least I’m prepared when someone breaks into my room in the middle of the night looking like a desert marauder,” I retorted.
His chuckle rumbled against me, and I closed my eyes, feeling the vibrations ripple through me.
