That scared me most.
She scrunched up her face. “This one was a stronger dose. It should last longer.” She studied my face. “We can draw them out a little more. I just didn’t want you in a situation where you started changing back into your real face without warning. I wouldn’t want that to happen while you were in the palace.”
I bit my lip, wincing at the pain of the small movement. “No.” I grimaced. “We wouldn’t want that.”
I imagined what Mazin’s expression would be if I suddenly turned into Dania before his eyes.
He would run me through where I stood. My hands curled as if gripping an imaginary dagger. I would welcome him to try.
Noor let out a low laugh. “I don’t even want to know what you are thinking about right now with that look on your face.”
“I’m thinking that I’m going to have to speed up my revenge plan so I don’t have to consume much more of that.”
And so black spidery veins don’t appear on my arms, and so I no longer hear voices whispering about revenge.
That would be nice too.
I sat up in bed as Noor brought me a fresh cup of chai and put it on the nightstand.
“I told the servants you had taken ill,” Noor murmured.
“That’s not wrong.”
Noor chewed on her bottom lip. “The amount of zoraat you have to consume for transfiguration is difficult, and I’ve never dealt with the repercussions of it before. I can see how hard you are taking it, and we don’t have to do this. We can do something different to get our vengeance—or we can stop this plan entirely. We can just sell the seeds, or…”
“Or?”
“Or destroy them.” She stood up and proceeded to pace around the room. “I thought about doing that while working for Souma. Just setting fire to the whole crop and letting the powers return to the djinn where they belong.”
Something in my stomach recoiled at the thought of all that power being set aflame.
That was the last thing I wanted to do. Zoraat was giving me the chance to make those who had wronged me pay.
I wasn’t about to give up this opportunity. And Noor shouldn’t be about to either.
“Is that what you really want? To let Vahid get away with what he did?”
Noor ran a hand through her short curls. “No. That’s not what I want. But this is destroying you. More than I thought it would. What good is revenge if we die while doing it? Then who is it for? Your father wouldn’t have wanted you to die to avenge him. And Souma wouldn’t have wanted me down this path.”
I took a sip of the chai, the warm, milky tea soothing my ravaged throat. “Souma isn’t here,” I said quietly, my voice low. “And neither is my father. And we both know the reason why.” This time I stood, my legs steadier than I predicted. “If we do nothing, their death means nothing.”
Noor sat back heavily against the divan. “I could kill them,” she said quietly. “Then you don’t have to do this.”
I snorted. “Noor, you didn’t even want me to kill Thohfsa. You can’t kill anyone.” I sat beside her. “Why don’t you want me to do this?”
She looked up at me. “You’re the first friend I’ve had since Souma. I don’t have anyone else. And yet I’m helping you destroy yourself. What kind of friend does that make me?”
“A friend who understands exactly what it feels like to lose everything.” My voice rose a little too loud, but I couldn’t control it. Or I didn’t want to. I could feel my eyes burning. Rage was cold and dark in the back of my mouth. “To be imprisoned for a crime you didn’t commit. To lose the person who cared about you the most. You knowexactlywhat that’s like.”
Noor wiped a tear from her cheek. “And what will you do when it’s over and you no longer have revenge?” she asked fiercely, the words ripping from her. “What will either of us do?”
I looked away from her.
“Then we’ll be free.” The words sounded hollow, like I was trying to be convincing instead of truthful.
The truth was, nothing else mattered if I didn’t get revenge.
The truth was, I would destroy myself a thousand times if it meant getting retribution for my father.
