“You can’t just extinguish your feelings, Dania. You aren’t like that. You’ll end up hurting yourself more than you know.”
I laughed. “You think I care what happens to me after this?” I could feel something black and dark entering my chest, as if I were being taken over by my hatred, and it wasn’t me talking, but my revenge.
“I am a tool of vengeance now,” I uttered. “I exist to destroy those who came for me and my family.” I could feel my fingers tingling, a similar feeling to the one I got before lifting my sword for the first time in battle. That’s what this feeling must be—battle lust.
Why else would my blood feel like it was on fire? Why else did I want to scream until I was hoarse?
If Noor thought I couldn’t turn my feelings off, fine. But I could turn them into something else. Something I was good at.
Noor stepped back from me, shock painted on her face. “Dania, your eyes…”
“What?” I reached up to my face, confused.
“I… nothing, it must have been the light. I thought I saw… never mind. But you don’t mean what you are saying—you can start a new life, after this is done.”
I whirled away from her, the anger beating in my chest now directed at Noor.
“A new life would mean nothing if they were still living. If I knew they had gone unpunished.”
“Dani, have you seen Mazin? He does not look as if he’s gone unpunished.”
That brought me up short. “What do you mean?”
“Does he look well to you?” She rubbed her chin. “I have no reference for what he looked like before, butnow? Now he lookshaunted.”
I had noticed the change in him, but hadn’t dwelled on it. If it was guilt that ate him up inside, then at least he had some sort of conscience. But it didn’t excuse what he did.
“His eyes are shadowed,” she continued, throwing her arms up in the air, and started pacing too. “He doesn’t go anywhere or do anything. His entire world is running Basral, commanding the emperor’s soldiers, helping rule the empire with an iron fist. He doesn’t dream. He exacts. He’s obsessive and focused and has clearly dived off a fucking cliff after you left. He regrets what he did to you.”
“I hope he regrets it. He’s going to regret so much more before this is done. I’m going to take away the last bit of happiness he has.”
Noor examined me. “So, you’re determined to go through with this?”
“Have I given you cause to think otherwise?”
She wet her lips, considering. “I don’t know. Something… something in the way you were with Mazin tonight.” She looked away, out the window, toward the palace. “It made me think you might be changing your mind.”
My mouth popped open involuntarily. “Have you changed your mind?” The words fell in the room like a stone.
She looked back at me, her reddish-brown eyes glistening. “I haven’t. But I’m worried about you.”
I tried to rein in the anger pounding against my chest. Because it wasn’t Noor I was mad at, I was absolutely furious with myself.
Noor wasn’t wrong.
Not that I was about to change my mind, but I could feel myself softening toward Mazin. When he touched me, I couldn’t keep my feelings separate from my hate. It was as if I were forgiving him for what he did.
I clenched my fists so hard my nails bit into my palms.
He would never be forgiven.
I crossed my arms. “I’m not changing my mind. And there’s nothing to be worried about.”
Noor nodded, though her eyes were still shadowed.
“Mazin’s own actions caused this,” I continued. “Not mine. His sister’s fate will be onhishands. They are already bloody.”
Noor nodded. “And Darbaran?”
