I thought of all the times we’d stayed up late, talking of our families, her helping me figure out the kitchens and the palace, when we’d been in the dungeons, and I’d thought there was someone on my side. We’d both been playing a role, but I wasn’t sure how much of hers was real or not.
“Yes, but I don’t think we talked properly—I was a little caught off guard with everything.” She ran her hand through her hair. “And I was frustrated with Kiyan for what he did. I understand why he got you out of the palace, and I’m sorry for my part in that,” she rushed to say. “But he blew an opportunity for us that may cost us today. It may cost us everything, to be frank. We have no advantage, certainly not one a kitchen girl could give us.”
“And yet, I didn’t make him do that. If you have an issue with his choices, those should be discussed with him.”
“I know that. I’m not explaining myself well.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “When you first came, I was too preoccupied to notice you much, but I liked you, even though you were strange. But then you saved my life.”
I remembered that day, the general holding her by the throat, her wild eyes.
I shifted uncomfortably. “It was the only thing I could do. I couldn’t just leave you there.”
“Yes, you could have. I hadn’t expected you to help me. Truthfully, no one in the palace would have done what you did. The Viceroy’s wrath was far too pervasive for anyone to take risks for each other in there. But you came in and youcared. You weren’t afraid or desensitized to the violence. That’s what was different about you. You gave a shit about those around you, and it surprised me. The general had caught on to me, but if I had killed him, it might have revealed the rebels in the palace. So, I could only defend myself. But when you came in, you didn’t care about the consequences, only about what you thought was right.”
“And look where it landed us.”
“But what I mean to say is, I’m glad you did what you did. I’m glad we ended up in that dungeon together, and I’m glad that we met. You asked me yesterday if we were ever friends, and the truth is, I don’t think I’ve really ever had a real friend before meeting you. Fellow fighters, rebels, lovers, yes. But not someone who I could really talk to, not like we did. Not someone who would have helped me like that.”
I exhaled, some of the heaviness in my chest lifting.
“What are you thinking?”
“That I wasn’t completely delusional about you after all.”
“Well, I’m not sure about that.”
We smiled at each other, and it dispelled some of the fear and anticipation heavy in the air. Whatever happened when we met Reza and the Court of Salt in battle, he would never win. Because he would never have what we did. He would never feel the friendship and camaraderie of a loyalty that went beyond a command, a loyalty based on love.
Chapter 47
Dear Amma,
The other side of the River isn’t how I thought it’d be, not from the songs you sang, the warnings you gave. There is savagery here, yes, but also beauty and loyalty and kindness so heartbreaking it sometimes takes my breath.
—Letter from Yaseema Nazir to Mahira Nazir, written in Mahira Nazir’s journal
Yaseema
We set off for the pass, saddling up horses and traveling in groups under Kiyan’s camouflage. He drew on his magic so that the leaves and trees and even the earth hid us. After seeing bits and pieces of what he could do with even limited magic, I wondered what it would look like at full capacity, how much of the living he could command.
As if he knew I was thinking of him, he turned to look at me, his stare so intense I gripped my reins tighter, my heart hammering in my chest.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking of the creature you created, the one that swallowed me whole. That was you, wasn’t it?”
He winced at the reminder. “I’m sorry about that.”
“I wasn’t looking for an apology. How did you craft such a beast, made of the dead halmasti?”
He leaned back in his saddle, an amused smile on his face. “Compared to what I used to be able to conjure, using life magic, it doesn’t even come close. But I’d never harnessed the power of death before. It was a way I could tap into more of my power, without the limits placed on us by Reza. I think because Reza channels his magic through Rusul’s crown, he only limited our powers over life, not thinking of the other side of the cycle.”
“How could you conjure death?”
“Because rot and decomposition is part of the life cycle, I discovered that it obeys me when I coax it to. If it has turned to rot, then it can be conjured—it has inherent magic.”
“Can you not create something like the beast with the vines you call?”
He shook his head. “Not more than a curling tendril. The living I can summon, but they are tiny and fragile. And because of Rusul’s crown, I can never attack Reza with true life magic. The dead and the energy in decomposition can get around Reza’s limits on our life magic. Therefore, I can use it to create something much larger, but it takes a bigger toll on me.”
