“You will, eventually.”
Now he’s a fucking comedian.I’d had enough, so I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face.Then I realized if he was going to sleep on my couch, he’d need bedding.I got blankets and a pillow out of the linen cupboard.Then I almost had a panic attack wondering if he slept naked.
But when I came back to the living room, he was sitting on the couch, fully dressed.
“I thought you could use these,” I said, putting the pillow at the end of the couch.
He stood up.I stared at him like a dumbass, holding the blankets.
“You want to tuck me in, too?”he said with his half smile.
“I want to do more than that.”
“I know.”
“Aw, fuck.”I dropped the blankets on the couch and went to my room.His tone of voice, like,I know I’m right, and you’ll see,got to me.So I went back to the living room.He was unfolding the blankets on the couch.
“If tomorrow morning when I’m sober, I still want to have sex, can we do it?”I said.
“If you want, sure.But realistically, when you wake up tomorrow, you’ll lose your nerve.”
“The hell I will.”
“Look,” he said.“Your dick won’t be calling the shots tomorrow.Your brain will, and your brain thinks you should never have sex with a man.But your dick will be weighing in on this debate, and it’ll have just enough of a vote to keep me around.You’ll tell yourself it’s to give me a place to stay because you’re a nice guy, and you don’t want to turn me out onto the street.So you’ll keep me around till you get used to the idea, and, no offense, I think it’s gonna take you a while to get used to the idea.You’ll have to work up to it.You’re not gonna go from nothing to fucking me.We’ll probably need to fool around a lot till we get there.Like, a whole lot.”
I felt less frustrated and a lot more interested.And excited.Because he was willing to wait for me.
“Sounds like fun.”
“It will be,” he said, “if you don’t push past where you’re comfortable, and I won’t let you do that.”
“Shit.”
I went to bed and tried to sleep.Which was not happening.Not after what he’d said.But, more than that, I was so used to being alone at my place, and now I wasn’t, it felt comforting.I usually slept with my bedroom door shut, but I left it open now so I could hear him.After all the time I’d spent missing him and worrying about him, he was safe and here with me.
Chapter Six: The New Normal
