Slow was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do, but I didn’t want to hurt him again.I carefully positioned myself, but being naked with him, being able to feel him, knowing he was letting me—it was too much.I didn’t even get all the way in before I shot.
“Fuck!”I said.
“It’s okay.”
But I was kicking myself.
“Tapper, I don’t mind.”He stroked my arm with his thumb.
I didn’t deserve him.
“This never happened when I had sex with women.I could always hold on till they came.”
“I know I’m stating the obvious, but having sex with a guy is different.”
I pulled out, stripped the condom off, wrapped it in Kleenex quickly, and threw it away.I didn’t want to think about it anymore.“I’m sorry.”
He got off the bed and took hold of my shoulders.He tried to look me in the eyes, but I was staring at the ground.“Quit beating yourself up.Do you see me complaining?”
“You’re too nice.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Let’s have a shower,” he said.Then he smiled slyly.“Together.”
Suddenly, everything was okay.Better than okay.Because now, we could.
“I would love that, actually.”
So we showered together.It was better than sex.We soaped each other up, and I felt him everywhere, exploring every inch of him.It was amazing to feel his body and see it too.And we stood there, holding onto each other while the hot water rinsed everything away.The ghosts that used to haunt me were gone, and, in a weird way, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.
Afterward, we toweled each other off, grinning like idiots the whole time.Then we got dressed, went back to the kitchen, and ate breakfast.
“My work’s having a Christmas potluck next Thursday,” I said.“You want to come?”
“You out at work?”
“I will be next Thursday.”
“Guess I’ll have to come, then,” he said.“Wait—Thursday next week?”
“Yeah.Why?”
“I’m getting my headshots Thursday—and you’re getting your dance photos.”
“What time?”
“Four thirty.”
“No problem.Thursday’s a half day at work, ’cause of the potluck.Come to the potluck, then we’ll head back here and get ready.”
As we were eating, he got a text notification on his phone and checked it.“It’s from Cub.There’s an open casting call for a new TV show, set at the university.”He scrolled through the message.“They’re looking for eighteen- to twenty-year-olds.”
“You can pass for that easily.”
He shrugged.“It’s worth a shot, but these open calls are really competitive.”
